Oxygen

There's so much hype.
So much expectation.
I wonder how many times I talk myself into it.
Willing myself into believing
this or that will happen.
Maybe this time around.
Maybe this time will be different.

But most of the time I feel similar.
Similar to how I felt last time.
Last year.
Hope brings you to the edge.
Reality checks you.
Reminds you we've been here before.
You've climbed this mountain.
You know the way down.
Hype and excitement.
I created it.
I should get myself down.

The lure of the climb pulls though.
Hard.
Like a man grasping for oxygen.
The heights are too dangerous.
There's too much risk here.
But this is what I do.
This is what I've been doing.
I know this route.
I've traveled it time and time again.
Without ropes.
Without oxygen.
How much longer?

The answer is not mine to make.
I cannot decide.
It calls.
I answer.
Everytime.
And probably again and again.
I'll know when.
I'll know when.