Two sides of 25

Back in August I turned 25. They say it's the last birthday you look forward to. Not sure about that, but I am sure it's different than the rest. Somehow, someway, everything becomes a little more real and close. The sticker on the mirror that reads, "objects in mirror are closer than they appear", defines 25.

What once were thoughts, ideas, and dreams that seemed still quite far off in my future, now seem to have hurried into the crowded space of the front of my head! I feel like someone woke me up early on a saturday, shook me, and said, "Hey buddy! Uh...jokes over. It's time to get a real life."

I've been feeling very Zach Braff-ish lately, hearing the lyrics of Snow Patrol's "Chocolate" in my stomach:

"This could be the very minute
I'm aware I'm alive
All these places feel like home

With a name I'd never chosen
I can make my first steps
As a child of 25"

Or maybe the "quarter-life crisis" that my buddy John Mayer sings about is just taking its toll. Most of my friends, and the people I go to school with, seem as if they skipped past this whole stage. Married, home owners, and well...married, and 23. Maybe they don't own the "25 coin".

The two sides of 25 bring their benefits. On the one side, I do what I want, when I want, pretty much. Still in that grad-student lifestyle. The freedom and lack of responsibility lets you really appreciate being 25. However, that freedom allows you to think about and analyze the other side of the 25 coin. Almost every part of my life is undefined. Who will I marry? When will I graduate? Do I really want to do what I've spent so much time studying and preparing for? Where will I live?

I hate those questions. They're haunting.

It takes me about 2 hours to fall asleep each night. Mainly due to the fact that I'm trying to answer all those questions. But, then I wake up in the morning. And slowly, I remember that I just have to take care of myself today. Just have to study. Just have to worry about me.

So, if you asked me, "what side of this coin do you want now?"

I think I'll stick with both for a while.

And then maybe flip it.