Man Law

Blogs were designed for opinion. That's what we do here. I am fully aware that this post will offend, piss off, and perhaps, bring some of my friendships to an end. In the face of that however, I press on even still.

Before I begin, I must preface this by saying I am only a recent convert to this new position that I will proclaim. You may like to think of it as a type of reformation. Though once I acted and took part in this old way of thinking, I now have recently decided to abandon my old ways, and move on to a new way of living. So be warned. A certain number of you will be offended and appalled. I apologize. I have to put this out to the universe.

New Man Law.
Men should no longer where Sandals.

No longer should the "flip-flop", Reef, Teva, Rainbow, Old Navy knock-off, be allowed to be worn by Men over the age of 12.

As I sat in class the other day, I noticed that not only did every female in the room have some sort of sandal on, but every male did as well. And what I saw were nasty, narly, huge, hairy feet. I was given by God what they call "swimmer" feet. Which for those of you who don't know what that term means, I have huge feet. Flippers. And they're pasty white to match the rest of my pasty body. No longer should those be shown to anyone. I realize an incredibly drastic reform such as this must be defined and explained with its new parameters and rules. Now, I will try to explain what is acceptable, and what is not.

Unacceptable cases for men to wear any form of sandal:

1. If you are over 6'4"- you have huge feet, and are no longer
aloud to wear sandals
2. Guy who wears sandals only outdoors and as soon as he crosses the threshold of a door, discards them and precedes to walk around the office, classroom, establishment barefoot- Ridiculous
3. Guy who only! Ever wears sandals- Don't be afraid to put a little effort in. Ya know, tie a shoelace or two, put those dogs away!
4. No, I repeat, No guy has good feet. They're nasty, narly, and huge. Girls don't want to look at them.

Acceptable cases:

1. When in transit to, or from the beach, lake, or river
2. When on vacation
3. Around the house
4. If you're a girl

Men. Get out there. Risk it. Go buy yourself some new kicks! Let's get some style, put some effort in, and cover those bad boys up! Help your ankles out. Give them some support. Besides, when could one ever take part in the random pick-up sporting activity when we are wearing sandals? We've all been there! We've been reduced to playing barefoot while everyone else ran past us in sneakers, because we were unprepared.

Things like these take time. Change doesn't happen overnight. I just ask you think about these things. Respond accordingly to one's own conscience.

I am a keeper of the new Man Law. Even if in the sandal wearing culture, my friends, and my associates, disagree, spit, persecute, and never talk to me again.

I'm callin' it like it is.

Girls should wear sandals.

Guys.

Never.