UnOriginal

I've been having a tough time lately coming up with anything original. I'm noticing throughout the day these long spaces in time when I just don't say anything. I want to, but there's just nothing there to give. Nothing there to find and slap a nice price tag on for someone to buy.

More and more there seems to be this pressure to do something completely original, something unique or noteworthy. Maybe the "broadcast yourself" world we live in makes you want to try just a little harder. Do something that will make people take a step back. No a leap back, in awe of what a gift to the world you are.

It hurts to realize that most of my time is devoted to finding a way to make a name for myself. To push my talent, or at least what I think I do well.

Is being young part of it?

Not being able to come up with anything original though, also reveals how much we cling to what others say and do. We read authors and adopt what they say. We hear conversations on TV about politics and economics, and mimic them, piggyback their ideas thinking all the while to ourselves, "I could so do that better than they could!"

I could write that book.
I could make that album,
I could start that business.

But when I try...

Nothing. Totally unoriginal.

How do I make less of myself? How can I stop striving, to start... striving? I can't help but think that peace comes to those who quietly live, resting in something they haven't strived for themselves.

I just want to stop. Be content. End the race towards originality and a billboard with my face on it, and smile. Maybe say something like, "Hey, I'm Phil... Nice to meet you."

rest

Psalm 116:7
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

Doubting Thomas

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

*Lyrics from the song "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek, from the album Why Should the Fire Die?

Angler

I'm an Angler.

Situations arise, circumstances present themselves, and I take. Throughout the conversations of the day I stand like a poacher, waiting to pounce on the nearest and clearest opening. To listen, but not really listen, until the moment for my say has come. The moment when my angle is clear, practically asking me to follow it.

There are two in this conversation, sometimes three or four. But really, there is only one. Only one, more often than there are more. I'm an Angler. I fish and wait for my opportunity.

Is every meeting, every confrontation, every joy tarnished by my greedy fingers? Are there times when I will ask the questions? Times when I will steer this ship to areas better for others?

I'm looking for angles.

Where's my angle?

Do you feel it when I talk to you? Do you notice my dazed look? The glassy eyes, the attention but not real attention.

Someone will find out. Someone will cry foul, and stare me down with an expression of disdain and they'll walk out.

There's always an angle. For all of us. Some just take it more than others. Or they take it every time. I may be even taking the angle with this.

I AM AN ANGLER.

Unreleased

There are times when you come across a song that hits everything for you. In the past few months , Ray LaMontange has become one of, if not my favorite artists. This on the edge, raw, yet familiar singer-songwriter from Maine captures the hope and desperation of love and pain in each and every breath and lyric.

Recently on YouTube I stumbled across a video of an "Unreleased" Song by LaMontagne. The Video is choppy and not very good, but still there's something about this song. So I did some hunting and found out that hopefully on his new upcoming album, LaMontagne will release this song. Even the title of the song stops you. It's called,
"You Are the Best Thing that ever Happened to Me".

Here's the link to the video and below are the lyrics. Stay tuned for an upcoming review of Ray LaMontagne's first album Trouble. One of the great albums of the decade.

Video Clip

"You Are the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me"

So baby,
Its been a long day babe,
Things aint going my way,
I think I need you here,
You clear my mind.

And baby,
The way you move me its crazy.
You see right through me,
You make it easy,
You please me and you dont even have to try.

And you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And all this junkies desire,
My angel on fire,
You wont make me a liar babe.

Cause you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.
Yes its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Now both of us have known a love before.
To come on up from the sun like the spring
just walk on out the door.
Well ooohhh our hearts are kind and are hearts are strong.
When Im by your side, baby I am where I belong.

Cause you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Baby,
Weve come a long way baby.
I hope and I pray that you believe me
When I say theres nothing

Cause you are the best thing that ever happened to me,
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Yes its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.
For always

Faith

"Faith looks back upon the past, for her battles have strengthened her, and her victories have given her courage. She remembers that God never has failed her; nay, that he never did once fail any of his children. She recollecteth times of great peril, when deliverance came; hours of awful need, when as her day her strength was found, and she cries, “No, I never will be led to think that he can change and leave his servant now. Hitherto the Lord hath helped me, and he will help me still.” Thus faith views each promise in its connection with the promise-giver, and, because she does so, can with assurance say, 'Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!'"

- Charles Spurgeon, from "Morning July 8th",
Morning and Evening

Life Story (Short Version)

Some of you know I'm in the midst of the ordination process with the Evangelical Presbyterian Church (EPC). This began a little over a year ago but is coming to the key moments soon.

Part of the process is filling out a very extensive PIF (Personal Information File). Think of a resume crossed with a research paper. It's a monster.

I've been working on it today and came to a part in which I just had to laugh. Part III of the file asks you to write your,
"Life Story".

In their words:

Describe your life journey. Include key incidents that were significant in your formation as a person and your call to ministry. State your personal ideals and goals.

But here's the kicker... Before that brief description it says,
"In one page".

How can anyone tell their life story in one page? So that's what I'm working on today. My life story. The short version.

If you have any suggestions about what I should include, pass them along.

Aimee Mann

In the film Magnolia, there is a scene in which all of the major characters sing the words to the same song. As the camera cuts from one face to the next, the lyrics of Aimee Mann’s “Wise Up”, carry you through each thought, to each face, and back again. It was then that I heard Aimee Mann for the first time.

There is pop music, and there is pop music. We all can agree that within the framework of popular culture, the bar can be set pretty low. And for that reason, along with so many others, is why artists like Mann are so important.

@#%&*! Smilers is the seventh studio release for Mann and first in three years since The Forgotten Arm. Always known for her dry wit an unmatchable voice, the fans that were first introduced to her through Magnolia, will find Smilers to be exactly what they’re looking for.

Sometimes I wonder how artists like Mann find new listeners and fans. So few seem to know who her, but then you’re surprised at how many share your same feelings. Her voice is unmistakable. Her sound familiar and true.

Smilers carries with it the classic Mann sound, yet a new progression. A continued expression of the same themes entertained and played with for years now. Even through the title of the album, with the expletive marks directed towards those happy go lucky Smilers, you can hear her challenging us to look past the easy smiles, the fake expressions, and the textbook answers to life.

With the breathy vocals of a one who’s seen it all, Smilers opens with the upbeat and fun “Freeway”, with the playful line, You got a lot of money/ but you can’t afford the freeway. In classic Mann style, she weaves stories together, and then in a line or two, summarizes the whole for us. The third track “Looking for Nothing”, proves it:

Everybody’s waiting for their thing/ Just to come along / They all got something they can pin all their feelings on

Chris Jones of the BBC puts it best when he said, “Aimee Mann knows it’s a deeply flawed universe we inhabit.” The universe in which addiction, disappointment, failed love, and shattered dreams, determine much of our relationships and existence.

“31 Today” recalls Mann’s dealing with turning 31 as a musician in Boston. In her words we all feel the weight of uncertainty, and dread. Is this what its come to? Is this really how life is gonna play out? We’ve all been at that bar:

31 today, what a thing to say/ Drinking Guinness in the afternoon/ Taking shelter in the black cocoon/ I thought my life would be different somehow/ I thought my life would be better by now but its not and I don’t know where to turn

Still, through the questions, Mann’s music always finds a way for you to see the hope and beauty of this “flawed universe”. Sometimes even the music itself carries that message. The horn arrangements and surrounding parts of Smilers give it that resonance. That much needed texture and depth. And it delivers.

True Mann fans will embrace Smilers with waiting arms, while those who are new should find a voice very familiar, yet different. Here resides an artist who poses the questions to herself, provides her unique answers, and lets us listen and watch the inner dialogue take place. We all have felt the uneasy fit of this universe and we all are forced to deal with what’s “left over”. The hope and beauty we long to find keep us asking the questions, and listening to others’ questions. Mann’s insight and artistry does that for me. I’m with her…

Everything I do is wrong… / But at least I’m hanging on