Phil Letizia

Shameless, Shameless Plug

2008-11-17T15:34:00.003-05:00

Many of you know I'm a worship leader here in South Florida. For a lot of years now I've played the guitar and sang in front of people, but never tried to put anything out there for the world to hear.

God willing though, in early '09, (the year of Dan Franklin) along with my sidekick Joe White in Orlando, we'll be finishing a project. A full length album of hymns and psalms. The project is still untitled, so if anything comes to mind, feel free to pass it along. The project is a compilation from a few artists/contributors, including original material from Joe and I.

In the meantime, I created a MySpace Music page over the weekend. Just a place to put up some incredibly rough tunes, that hopefully will sound a lot better on the album. But for now, you can check them out at www.myspace.com/philletizia, as well as some recent sermons.

Hope all is well in your town today.

Phil Letizia - MySpace Music

Today, the Day

2008-11-04T12:25:00.004-05:00

Well, it's here, talk about great expectations. It feels like I've been watching this election cycle with a lot of interest for over a year. I've made many predictions of what I thought was going to happen through the months, and I've been wrong on almost all of them. So, to venture a prediction today here, would be incredibly dangerous.

I am still amazed however, by the beauty of our country. In no other country is the transition of power so seamless, so easy really. Although it may not seem like that to us depending on whoever we're voting for, tomorrow we will see an entirely different leadership and administration begin to take power, whichever side wins.

It makes me think of the struggles others have had throughout the ages to be "free". The struggle that so many still fight for today. As far as I know, God willing, no one will be storming "the Bastille" today, or running around with heads on pikes like they did in France 200 years ago. (Come on, you have to love the French)In January, George W. Bush will shake hands with the next leader of the free world and in that handshake, transfer power to another man, another group, with different ideas and different means.

Pretty amazing.

I said earlier, I wouldn't make a prediction. But come on, I have to! So here's Phil's prediction on today's events. I know you go to your political blogs to find the answers. To Drudge, CNN, Peggy Noonan. But today you've come here, so let me enlighten you of what will happen today...

PREDICTION:: Everything early will look like an Obama landslide! All the exit polls will favor Obama causing a great deal of excitement among many voters and the media in particular. However, around 8:30pm, things will begin to take shape and we'll see that the exits are not as accurate (they weren't in '04, leading us to believe Kerry had the lead) and McCain will make a strong push. Throughout the night, it will be close, real close. We may not even know until the morning. My final prediction though. In a close, closer than people think race.

Obama wins, 49%, McCain, 46%
I won't take a stab at the electoral votes.

ON a lighter note this Election Tuesday, did everyone get anything interesting while voting? USA TODAY reported people handing out everything from donuts, to unmentionables. Voting Gifts

Happy Election Day! And don't go near the Bastille!

Mid-Expectation

2008-11-03T13:27:00.002-05:00

Most of our lives are driven by the hope of outcomes. We stage a play each day in our minds of how things could break for us, how life could turn our way. We are focused on expectations. From relationships to business, political hopes, to sports dreams. Every day, what wakes us from our sleep is the expectation of an eighteen hour block of time being better than the last.

The reality however comes when our head hits the pillow and we come to understand that some of those "Great Expectations" have been met, others dashed, while a few were just simply forgotten about. All of this makes me wonder what drives our hopes and desires. What is it about our hearts and minds that allow our expectations to hijack us like a coal car barreling down the rails of dark shaft. The ride is fast and long but the reach for the handbrake becomes more and more difficult the farther down the mine of expectations we run.

Maybe Calvin and Hobbes were right. "I find my life is a lot easier the lower I keep every one's expectations." Maybe an eight year old Calvin can deal with a more balanced life of expectation than I can.

Dickens saw it when he wrote the classic, "I never had one hour's happiness in her society, and yet my mind all round the four-and-twenty hours was harping on the happiness of having her with me unto death." His story of Great Expectations, tells the story of our expectations. That whether something is ultimately good or bad for us, we're governed by the hope of it coming to be in our lives. Even if "one hour of happiness" is all we feel, we beat and scratch for it the other twenty-three long hours.

Whenever we find ourselves in the midst of a situation, a decision, or a problem, we scream for balance. Balance becomes the expectation. But that reality is more elusive perhaps than any other expectation. Will my life ever settle into a balanced, healthy one? Will my views, lifestyle, and hopes reflect a "mid-expectation" world?

But that world is boring, and maybe that's no world I want to live in. Really, after all our work and toil is done under the sun we still need to come back to the realization that everything is for nothing if we don't have something rooting peace deep into our souls.

One of the joys of being human is the hope of expectation. It can carry us through the darkest of hours, and the deepest of disasters. The greatest of expectations is the hope that contentment and peace can actually be experienced in this life. The hope that when my head falls on the pillow top, it finds true rest and not continual uncertainty.

The greatest of expectations belongs to the peacemaker. The one who in all opportunities strives for peace because peace is found in his or her heart always.

And these shall be called, "Sons of God."

Peace is set in the hearts of the sons and daughters of God. The reality of hope, not the expectation of hope, has calmed them to know and love peace, to feel and experience peace, and balanced, content lives here on earth, waiting for the greatest expectation... the coming of the king of peace.

The One who will set every expectation and desire in its proper order.

Fetus Fatigue

2008-10-15T13:29:00.002-04:00

Fetus Fatigue

Many of us are tired of the election process. The discussion, the debate, the issues. But these are important times with increasingly important issues. I've tried my best to stay out of the fray, let dialogue take place and see where the chips fall.

It has become taboo to be a "one-issue" voter in this election cycle. Whatever side of the aisle you are on, to believe in one, "titanic" issue, is viewed with a skeptical eye.

I love that younger "evangelicals" are becoming more and more passionate about the environment, poverty, Africa, and human rights around the world. Peace around the world is our hope and aim and we pray for it and seek its coming. I still cannot shake however, the issue that looms... abortion.

Even as some of you read this, you may be saying..."Oh, here we go". By posting this I am not imploring you to come to his conclusion. I just hope we do not sleep on it, and you consider it strongly.

Douglas Gruthius, who is a Christian philosopher and apologist, wrote an open letter to "young evangelicals", entitled "Fetus Fatigue". It's linked below, and though his voice is strong, and his tone confrontational... I just can't shake it.

It's not a "faith" issue. It's not a "religious issue".

It is a human rights issue.

For the least of these...
Fetus Fatigue - Gruthius

Precedent

2008-09-26T01:10:00.003-04:00

The economy is the only issue on the minds of most people. From young to old, rich to not so rich, we're all thinking about it. I still can't seem to get my head around how it's all happening, but it is and I'm trying to keep up. For those of us who are young and in our first "real" job, starting life and looking ahead, this is our first big dose of reality on the national scale. Even with 9/11, i was still too young to feel it myself. I saw it, experienced it, but it didn't shake up my world like this could.

It's scary.
Mainly because I don't understand it, though I know I'll be affected by it.

Then today I thought of my 82 year old grandmother. i thought of a generation who grew up in a decade long depression, and lived and fought through the Greatest War the world has ever seen. What did they think about? What was their outlook? How could they have thought things were going to get better?

And I think of my parents, who felt the chill of Cold War. Who waded through the endless nights of Vietnam, oil shortages and rampant inflation.

This is not a pro-USA note trying to say, "We pull through, we always do." I'm not naive. But, there's hope to see that life isn't always about a mortgage, 401K, or job security.

And there's precedent.
In the voice of my Grandmother.
In the eyes of my Father.

Game Changers

2008-09-06T16:07:00.006-04:00

The past week has brought an interesting analogy to the world of politics and the American landscape. Sarah Palin's rocket launch into the world of everyday America has many calling her a "game changer". The type of player who forces their opponents to revert to different tactics, to scrap previous plans and adjust accordingly, because if you don't, you lose. She has changed the entire dynamic of the election. The star power and bravado Barak Obama brought to the national stage over the last year was just as powerful, and his rise almost as fast. Both of these personalities have sparked the attention of average Americans, much like an incredible sporting event does, or a Soprano's series finale.

A "game changer", as the term is used for Palin, turns a situation upside down, on its head. You have to start over.

We're all looking for that type of moment. The moment in our lives where things go blurry, fade, black, and then upside down. Granted, we want it to go for the better, but we want the game changer, we need the game changer. How it comes... well, that's the risk, the Hail-Mary pass. It fails most of the time but once in awhile, it changes careers, lives, loves, and us. It changes US.

It can come with a team picking up that one player, the last piece of the messy puzzle that makes things work, puts you over the top and turns a franchise around for years to come. It can come by doing something so unexpected everyone has to sit a little closer to the edge of their seat to see or hear what you're about to say. It can come when a church is in the midst of a step that could change the course of its future. Something risky, that people may not respond to. They need the game changer.

It's scary. But a good shake up is what we all need.

Or, it can come while you sit in a car with friends, having a conversation that changes you. The kind where for the first time things are revealed, exposed, and brought to light. Where it doesn't seem so bad and for the first time in a long time you're able to breathe life, freedom, and ease into the situation.

Change is dynamic.

Change has been the tired, yet effective dynamic of this election year. It plays. Now and always. You know it when you see it. You feel a new dynamic when its there. It's here on both sides. Which way you go is up to you. But to say it's not here, and that you don't need it is even more risky. Not just on the national stage, but on the personal.

Where will it come from?
How will it show itself?
When will your life be turned upside down?

In the middle of a conversation?

It did for me.

Love (III)

2008-09-03T00:01:00.000-04:00

Love bade me welcome: yet my soul drew back,
Guiltie of dust and sinne.
But quick-ey’d Love, observing me grow slack
From my first entrance in,
Drew nearer to me, sweetly questioning,
If I lack’d any thing.

A guest, I answer’d, worthy to be here:
Love said, You shall be he.
I the unkinde, ungratefull? Ah my deare,
I cannot look on thee.
Love took my hand, and smiling did reply,
Who made the eyes but I?

Truth Lord, but I have marr’d them: let my shame
Go where it doth deserve.
And know you not, sayes Love, who bore the blame?
My deare, then I will serve.
You must sit down, sayes Love, and taste my meat:
So I did sit and eat.

- George Herbert

Mayer (Say what you need to Say)

2008-09-02T11:24:00.008-04:00

I went to see John Mayer in concert Sunday night in West Palm Beach. This was my third Mayer show, second at the outdoor amphitheater venue in West Palm, and each time I see his show, it gets better and better.

What a way to spend the Sunday before Labor Day, when you know Monday is a day off to do whatever your heart wishes. Fifteen of us made the 45 minute drive to WPB for some tailgating before the show began. Sun out, beer in hand, music playing, and friends all around, all we needed was a decent show and I would have deemed it a very good day.

What we got was more than a decent show. It was great.

I'm not the litmus test for this. Asking someone who is a fan of an artist, or someone who is already supporting a candidate to evaluate a performance or a speech isn't very helpful. They're already a fan and most likely approved. But I love watching those that are skeptical or unimpressed, and asking them if they were swayed in anyway to think differently. And for many reasons, there are always those skeptical about John Mayer.

The coolest part of the night was not how great his surrounding band was.
They're great.
Or how great the set list was.
It was great.
Or even how they were doing everything they could for the last show of the tour to be the best.
They did and it was great.
The coolest part was watching some of my friends who didn't like Mayer and who just came along for the party, get into the show and walk away fans.

I'll just share three highlights from the show.

1) During the encore, Mayer pulled out the Eddie Van Halen guitar and did a pretty great, although nothing drastically different, version of "Panama". Mayer ripped on the guitar while his other band mate sang the lead. Needless to say, the
crowd went ballistic.

2) Vultures/Gravity - This was my third time seeing Mayer since the Trio/Continuum releases, and each time the tandem songs of "Vultures" and "Gravity" steal the show. With long jam sections within, the show hits a level where Mayer is at his best, on the guitar, vocally, and lyrically. The show hit a 10 on the cool meter.

3) The surprising moment for me, and the highlight of the show Sunday night came during "Say". Since its release as a single earlier this year, I never particularly liked the song, but Sunday night it stole the show. I can't quite even say why, but the show took the next step. There were three or four of us that felt the same way. "Say" is a song that flexes Mayer's pure songwriting skills. Something he seems to get better and better at as the years go by.

You can always count on him entertaining the crowd between songs as well, with one of the more self-deprecating on stage personalities in music.

All in all, another great show, another great crowd and time for friends. And the best part of it all for the thousands there...

No work on Monday.

Routine

2008-08-29T09:15:00.006-04:00

I've tried to make a few changes in my daily routine. Since I moved last week I thought it was the perfect time to implement some things. I read a recent blog which said that change usually comes through failure, which I agree with. We've all had to stare ourselves in the mirror at times confronting those parts of us we know need to go away and hide somewhere. These are small in nature but like so many changes, I hope they will lead to others.

So here's a sample of the new weekday morning routine, that's got my life all turned upside down.

For at least one week, each morning I've got up at 6 am, ran with the guys, gone to get coffee, made breakfast, and spent a couple hours writing each morning before heading into the office at the church. It's been one week, but so far so good. I'm not getting enough sleep, still going to bed really late, but that's never going to change.

I'm a big believer in change. Change leads to other changes. So, even if it's small, there may be something big following right behind.

Red is the Color

2008-08-27T12:36:00.002-04:00

Music and Lyrics by Steve Earle, from the album,
Washington Square Serenade

North wind blowin` like a hurricane house
Old man leanin` like he`s pullin` a plow
Neck bowed, bendin` like a willow bough

Red sky color of the end of time
Bleeds dry runnin` down the center line
Wise guy pretends he doesn`t see the signs

Bad news everybody talkin` `bout
A short fuse a half an inch from burnin` out
All used up beyond a reasonable doubt

Make way for his majesty the prodigal king
Still taste the poison when you`re kissin` the ring
Don`t say he never gave you anything

Deep breath the calm before the storm begins
Cold sweat pretend that you ain`t listenin`
Don`t bet on gettin` by with that again

Short ride from here to where the beast resides
Fine line that separates the shadows inside
Make mine a double shot of cyanide

Faith thrown Overboard

2008-08-26T09:45:00.007-04:00

Many hear the word faith and feel the bitter cold rush of uneasiness creep up their spine. How can so many people be sure about things? How can they claim to have a better grasp on all of this than me? Faith is certainty to many. Unwavering. Commitment. Belief in something no one can see, and no one can feel. How can you be sure?

There are different levels of certainty. The hitch is, they’re unpredictable. Some come easy, while others feel so unattainable and far away. We push them back under our pillow at night to deal with another time.

For those who believe, who hold tight to faith or a certainty in things not quite understood still have room for uncertainty, for doubt and questions. Yes, it’s still there. The lie we’ve bought and sold, the one which those less certain than us can never be allowed to see has not only harmed the faith of others, but ours as well.

Jeremiah, an Old Testament Hebrew prophet, the young man charged by God to give the worst message one could give to a people group, tossed and turned in his uncertainty. Like two wrestlers grappling on the mat, within his own mind he held his depression. His cries of destruction in a time of peace were as lost on those who heard them as a child lost in a dark forest.

What’s unique about Jeremiah though is his own uneasiness, his own questioning relationship to God. When the task God gives leads you to the stocks in the city square, a cry of complaint is understandable.

O LORD, you deceived me, and I was deceived;
you overpowered me and prevailed.
I am ridiculed all day long;
everyone mocks me.

The prophet of God, laid bare in the center of the city for the world to mock and scorn. His faith leading him to a place of question,

“Is this the plan? Is this what you intended for me?”

Yet the beauty of faith, for those who embrace it as hard as it is for others to understand, is the stabilizing of our emotions. Faith brings bandages when we’ve been overpowered.

11 But the LORD is with me like a mighty warrior;
so my persecutors will stumble and not prevail.

13 Sing to the LORD!
Give praise to the LORD!
He rescues the life of the needy
from the hands of the wicked.

The song of faith somehow finds our lips as if it had been stored somewhere deep inside us without our even knowing. It comes in our weakest moments. Our grandmothers words who prayed over us while we sat on her lap, or the sound of a hymn we were sure we had forgotten long ago, surges through our thoughts.

Faith flows like a rushing river. But it can be fleeting.
Here and gone.

There’s a special place in my heart for Jeremiah. At times he seems delirious, confused. Other times he’s composed, sure, and strong. From one moment to the next he is unique.

He feels and looks like me.

From complaint to praise, from accusation to despair and back again. What a song of faith he sings in verse 13. “He rescues the life of the needy. Sing to the Lord!” Followed by cursing the day he was born, and the one who even carried the news to his father!

15 Cursed be the man who brought my father the news,
who made him very glad, saying,
"A child is born to you—a son!"

16 May that man be like the towns
the LORD overthrew without pity.
May he hear wailing in the morning,
a battle cry at noon.

17 For he did not kill me in the womb,
with my mother as my grave,
her womb enlarged forever.

18 Why did I ever come out of the womb
to see trouble and sorrow
and to end my days in shame?

If this were your first introduction to Jeremiah you would think he was out of his mind. From one moment to the next his mood flips from sturdy to unstable. From faith to despair. He is the “weeping prophet” because his heart was ripped apart by the message God put in his mouth for his people. His city would be lost, his people without a home because they continued to run from being righteous and just. Their streets crowded with the poor, with the widow and the orphan, yet their temple filled with the rich and upright. Their lips gave words, but their hearts carried different actions.

Jeremiah came into the mess reluctant, young and unprepared to call them back. Faith though has a funny way of calling us to something we can’t do. Belief comes out of nowhere to get me through what will come next, my venom like complaint, my cursing, my despair, and my despondency.

The owner of faith also knows hope. The promise that in the middle of our uneasiness, in the middle of our doubt or anger, things are ultimately not determined by us alone. Jeremiah’s depression and joy finds its moments of peace in the promise of hope. “He rescues the needy.” He knew that what saved him in his moments of weakness, his times of mental and emotional instability was the hope that someone could save him from the pain and uncertainty.

During the last night before Jesus’ death, he found himself alone in a garden praying. Their he wavered and shuddered in pain and mental and emotional stress. Like Jeremiah moving from one thought to another, contemplating the message God had called him to carry out, he came to the place where he cried, “Father, may this pass from me?” The basis of our faith however, the center of our hope, is that in that moment, Jesus answered his own question, “Your will be done.” He carried on with the task. When Jeremiah, when you and when I waver, when we are strapped by our depression, our inner agony, we buckle. Our faith like a ship that’s lost its man at the wheel, crashes on the rocks.

It’s OK.

This is the center of faith and hope. Our faith has thrown us overboard. Jeremiah and I have been lost time and time again in our own faith, but the ultimate hope comes not in our faith, but in the certainty of Jesus. In his moment of weakness he carried on so that in my moment of weakness, my moment of doubt, I could hold onto him and not myself.

Faith is not being certain in yourself, or in everything this world throws at us. Faith believes that in our moment of trial, cursing, or joy, we are holding onto something other than ourselves. We’re holding onto the one who was made weak for us, that we may be strong in him.

Even in the darkest of nights, and the happiest of days.

Later

2008-08-24T08:23:00.002-04:00

Jesus replied, "Where I am going, you cannot follow now,
but you will follow later."

John 13:36

Deep Green Conversation

2008-08-21T16:12:00.003-04:00

The color Green is everywhere. Malls, restaurants, TV commercials, everyone is trying to bring Green into their world. So much so that "being green" in my mind has become more of a fashionable marketing ploy than actual active environmental conservation.

For a host of reasons Christians have struggled with how to position themselves on the issue of the environment. Perhaps because much of Evangelicalism has aligned themselves with conservative politics which has always been seen as anti-environment, whether fair or unfair. Wherever you find yourself on the political pendulum, balance is always the center mark.

I went surfing the other day when Tropical Storm Fay came ashore, and maybe that's why this article I read today from Christian Buckley caught my eye. It's one of the more balanced approaches to the environment from a Christian I've ever read.

We all seem to go one way or the other on this issue. Let me know what you think.

Read it here:: Touching God in the Waves

Fay

2008-08-19T01:17:00.005-04:00

You can't quite understand life in South Florida until you've experienced your first hurricane. If your home has always been here, then the topsy-turvy hurricane season is something you're used to. Something you're prepared for.

Storms bring their share of problems. Extreme damage is possible, life can hang in the balance. But there are a few days in Ft. Lauderdale, Miami, West Palm Beach, Key West, or Key Biscayne, when the storm is not quite a threat. More an excuse.

Today, Fay was the excuse. She was the excuse to get off work early, and I mean EVERYONE got off work early! She was the excuse to go surfing at 2pm on a Monday in the highest seas we've had all year, in a rip current that if you're not careful could carry you to Boca, or Freeport. Fay, today was the excuse to get a bunch of guys and girls together to play Rain Football until we couldn't see anymore. The rain bands came, and another touchdown went on the board.

Life seems to hit the hold button on these occasional So Fla days, and we love it. School stops, work shuts down, and we head to the beach, the park, or the movies.
At least until it gets really bad, then we just wait.

Today was the first Hurricane Day of '08, and tonight was the first Hurricane party. Hopefully there won't be many more in '08, but if there are, we hope they're a lot like Fay.

Not dangerous.
Just an excuse.
'

Beijing

2008-08-14T00:17:00.004-04:00

The 2008 Summer Olympics in Beijing have been a sight to behold. Whether you are a sports fan or not seems immaterial. The Olympics have a draw in and of themselves different than any other sport or any other stage. It's culture, nationalism, sports, and personalities. We watch and take them in as they shine for us, like the stars we always wanted and the heroes we never knew were next door.

These games have another element however.
Something we all knew was there but couldn't quite understand, or grasp the depth of.

China.

The sites are breathtaking. The venues remarkable. And the culture unearthed from its hidden stage. The Water Cube is a wonder. The National Indoor Stadium, a state of the art coliseum. These games have allowed the world to not just stare through the wooden fence into the neighbors yard. They have invited us into a culture we can't quite put our finger on, and a people we hope to learn to understand.

Two years ago I read a USA Today piece about the Beijing games and posted in response to it on this blog. I was mesmerized by the grandeur and anticipation. As we watch it now unfold before us, looking back... it's happening.

Here's the post from a few years back...
Flying Daggers and the Olympics

Zai jian.

On the Eve of 27

2008-08-11T15:01:00.004-04:00

Disappointment in your life is one thing, hard to manage and extremely distracting. Disappointment in the lives of others though, your friends, has begun to sting a little more. Maybe its moving on in life. Moving up in the world. More responsibility, more at risk. Relationships coming and going, some stepping out wondering and hoping, while others are cautious and practical. There's more money to spend, but there's fewer to spend it on.

Looking into the TV late at night, you flip through your mind's Rolodex of feelings, but you can't see or feel someone else's end of the day. I've spent most of the last week trying to sort in my own mind what it means to decide. The process we all go through to make our way in life. We're all in the labyrinth, the maze turning from clear and free, to cloudy and restricted. This is the time they say, "You're young. Enjoy and don't worry." It's true. This is my time, and probably your time, and I'm enjoying it. But once in a while, no, more than that, someone else's situation takes precedence. Someone's problem is flickering on the TV late at night and I twist and turn hoping and praying for them to sort it out. To make that one turn in the maze that will take them closer to the center and not further away.

What I believe about life has to come into play though doesn't it? Inside, the walls are high, winding, and deceptively similar. Along the way markers creep up, turns come that push us closer. From the inside I can't see over the wall, and I can't see over yours either. But from above, the maze is clear, the labyrinth wide and free with a pull to the center that we all feel deep down inside.

I've worn the dream coat, and I've had it stripped from me. But in the end, in the end for you, the string that leads you and me through one fret to another, leads us closer to the center, to the draw of the center. I have to believe that. I have to believe that a decision, that a host of decisions won't muck up my life. If that's true, if the sum is so much greater than the parts, than what a resource that is for life! What a help for you and for me.

On the eve of 27, I never thought this is what my life would look like by now. But the path for a brief moment seems clear, the ending is open, but I can feel the pull to the center.

From above and from within.

The dream coat was lost a long time ago, but there's another on my back now. One not my own, with whom life still seems dizzy and trying, but warm and true.

For you and for me.
For young and for old.
What a resource!
May we find our way to the center.

Today, Today

2008-08-04T14:20:00.000-04:00

"Man is the creature of the moment; the past has gone from him, and over the future he has no control; it is only the present moment that is his. Therefore it is that, when he is made partaker of Christ...and the eternal salvation He imparts, God's great word to him is Today."

-- Andrew Murray

UnOriginal

2008-07-31T01:20:00.003-04:00

I've been having a tough time lately coming up with anything original. I'm noticing throughout the day these long spaces in time when I just don't say anything. I want to, but there's just nothing there to give. Nothing there to find and slap a nice price tag on for someone to buy.

More and more there seems to be this pressure to do something completely original, something unique or noteworthy. Maybe the "broadcast yourself" world we live in makes you want to try just a little harder. Do something that will make people take a step back. No a leap back, in awe of what a gift to the world you are.

It hurts to realize that most of my time is devoted to finding a way to make a name for myself. To push my talent, or at least what I think I do well.

Is being young part of it?

Not being able to come up with anything original though, also reveals how much we cling to what others say and do. We read authors and adopt what they say. We hear conversations on TV about politics and economics, and mimic them, piggyback their ideas thinking all the while to ourselves, "I could so do that better than they could!"

I could write that book.
I could make that album,
I could start that business.

But when I try...

Nothing. Totally unoriginal.

How do I make less of myself? How can I stop striving, to start... striving? I can't help but think that peace comes to those who quietly live, resting in something they haven't strived for themselves.

I just want to stop. Be content. End the race towards originality and a billboard with my face on it, and smile. Maybe say something like, "Hey, I'm Phil... Nice to meet you."

rest

2008-07-28T14:39:00.001-04:00

Psalm 116:7
Be at rest once more, O my soul,
for the LORD has been good to you.

Doubting Thomas

2008-07-21T16:55:00.003-04:00

What will be left when I've drawn my last breath
Besides the folks I've met and the folks who've known me
Will I discover a soul-saving love
Or just the dirt above and below me

I'm a doubting Thomas
I took a promise
But I do not feel safe
Oh me of little faith

Sometimes I pray for a slap in the face
Then I beg to be spared cause I'm a coward
If there's a master of death
I bet he's holding his breath
As I show the blind and tell the deaf about his power

Can I be used to help others find truth
When I'm scared I'll find proof that it's a lie
Can I be led down a trail dropping bread crumbs
That prove I'm not ready to die

Please give me time to decipher the signs
Please forgive me for time that I've wasted

I'm a doubting Thomas
I'll take your promise
Though I know nothin's safe
Oh me of little faith

*Lyrics from the song "Doubting Thomas" by Nickel Creek, from the album Why Should the Fire Die?

Angler

2008-07-14T15:14:00.002-04:00

I'm an Angler.

Situations arise, circumstances present themselves, and I take. Throughout the conversations of the day I stand like a poacher, waiting to pounce on the nearest and clearest opening. To listen, but not really listen, until the moment for my say has come. The moment when my angle is clear, practically asking me to follow it.

There are two in this conversation, sometimes three or four. But really, there is only one. Only one, more often than there are more. I'm an Angler. I fish and wait for my opportunity.

Is every meeting, every confrontation, every joy tarnished by my greedy fingers? Are there times when I will ask the questions? Times when I will steer this ship to areas better for others?

I'm looking for angles.

Where's my angle?

Do you feel it when I talk to you? Do you notice my dazed look? The glassy eyes, the attention but not real attention.

Someone will find out. Someone will cry foul, and stare me down with an expression of disdain and they'll walk out.

There's always an angle. For all of us. Some just take it more than others. Or they take it every time. I may be even taking the angle with this.

I AM AN ANGLER.

Unreleased

2008-07-11T01:17:00.013-04:00

There are times when you come across a song that hits everything for you. In the past few months , Ray LaMontange has become one of, if not my favorite artists. This on the edge, raw, yet familiar singer-songwriter from Maine captures the hope and desperation of love and pain in each and every breath and lyric.

Recently on YouTube I stumbled across a video of an "Unreleased" Song by LaMontagne. The Video is choppy and not very good, but still there's something about this song. So I did some hunting and found out that hopefully on his new upcoming album, LaMontagne will release this song. Even the title of the song stops you. It's called,
"You Are the Best Thing that ever Happened to Me".

Here's the link to the video and below are the lyrics. Stay tuned for an upcoming review of Ray LaMontagne's first album Trouble. One of the great albums of the decade.

Video Clip

"You Are the Best Thing that Ever Happened to Me"

So baby,
Its been a long day babe,
Things aint going my way,
I think I need you here,
You clear my mind.

And baby,
The way you move me its crazy.
You see right through me,
You make it easy,
You please me and you dont even have to try.

And you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And all this junkies desire,
My angel on fire,
You wont make me a liar babe.

Cause you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.
Yes its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Now both of us have known a love before.
To come on up from the sun like the spring
just walk on out the door.
Well ooohhh our hearts are kind and are hearts are strong.
When Im by your side, baby I am where I belong.

Cause you are the best thing thats ever happened to me.
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Baby,
Weve come a long way baby.
I hope and I pray that you believe me
When I say theres nothing

Cause you are the best thing that ever happened to me,
And its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.

Yes its the woman in you,
That makes me want to be with you for always.
For always

Faith

2008-07-08T11:29:00.002-04:00

"Faith looks back upon the past, for her battles have strengthened her, and her victories have given her courage. She remembers that God never has failed her; nay, that he never did once fail any of his children. She recollecteth times of great peril, when deliverance came; hours of awful need, when as her day her strength was found, and she cries, “No, I never will be led to think that he can change and leave his servant now. Hitherto the Lord hath helped me, and he will help me still.” Thus faith views each promise in its connection with the promise-giver, and, because she does so, can with assurance say, 'Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life!'"

- Charles Spurgeon, from "Morning July 8th",
Morning and Evening

Life Story (Short Version)

2008-07-07T13:43:00.005-04:00

Some of you know I'm in the midst of the ordination process with the Evangelical Presbyterian Church (EPC). This began a little over a year ago but is coming to the key moments soon.

Part of the process is filling out a very extensive PIF (Personal Information File). Think of a resume crossed with a research paper. It's a monster.

I've been working on it today and came to a part in which I just had to laugh. Part III of the file asks you to write your,
"Life Story".

In their words:

Describe your life journey. Include key incidents that were significant in your formation as a person and your call to ministry. State your personal ideals and goals.

But here's the kicker... Before that brief description it says,
"In one page".

How can anyone tell their life story in one page? So that's what I'm working on today. My life story. The short version.

If you have any suggestions about what I should include, pass them along.

Aimee Mann

2008-07-01T03:00:00.008-04:00

In the film Magnolia, there is a scene in which all of the major characters sing the words to the same song. As the camera cuts from one face to the next, the lyrics of Aimee Mann’s “Wise Up”, carry you through each thought, to each face, and back again. It was then that I heard Aimee Mann for the first time.

There is pop music, and there is pop music. We all can agree that within the framework of popular culture, the bar can be set pretty low. And for that reason, along with so many others, is why artists like Mann are so important.

@#%&*! Smilers is the seventh studio release for Mann and first in three years since The Forgotten Arm. Always known for her dry wit an unmatchable voice, the fans that were first introduced to her through Magnolia, will find Smilers to be exactly what they’re looking for.

Sometimes I wonder how artists like Mann find new listeners and fans. So few seem to know who her, but then you’re surprised at how many share your same feelings. Her voice is unmistakable. Her sound familiar and true.

Smilers carries with it the classic Mann sound, yet a new progression. A continued expression of the same themes entertained and played with for years now. Even through the title of the album, with the expletive marks directed towards those happy go lucky Smilers, you can hear her challenging us to look past the easy smiles, the fake expressions, and the textbook answers to life.

With the breathy vocals of a one who’s seen it all, Smilers opens with the upbeat and fun “Freeway”, with the playful line, You got a lot of money/ but you can’t afford the freeway. In classic Mann style, she weaves stories together, and then in a line or two, summarizes the whole for us. The third track “Looking for Nothing”, proves it:

Everybody’s waiting for their thing/ Just to come along / They all got something they can pin all their feelings on

Chris Jones of the BBC puts it best when he said, “Aimee Mann knows it’s a deeply flawed universe we inhabit.” The universe in which addiction, disappointment, failed love, and shattered dreams, determine much of our relationships and existence.

“31 Today” recalls Mann’s dealing with turning 31 as a musician in Boston. In her words we all feel the weight of uncertainty, and dread. Is this what its come to? Is this really how life is gonna play out? We’ve all been at that bar:

31 today, what a thing to say/ Drinking Guinness in the afternoon/ Taking shelter in the black cocoon/ I thought my life would be different somehow/ I thought my life would be better by now but its not and I don’t know where to turn

Still, through the questions, Mann’s music always finds a way for you to see the hope and beauty of this “flawed universe”. Sometimes even the music itself carries that message. The horn arrangements and surrounding parts of Smilers give it that resonance. That much needed texture and depth. And it delivers.

True Mann fans will embrace Smilers with waiting arms, while those who are new should find a voice very familiar, yet different. Here resides an artist who poses the questions to herself, provides her unique answers, and lets us listen and watch the inner dialogue take place. We all have felt the uneasy fit of this universe and we all are forced to deal with what’s “left over”. The hope and beauty we long to find keep us asking the questions, and listening to others’ questions. Mann’s insight and artistry does that for me. I’m with her…

Everything I do is wrong… / But at least I’m hanging on

City Church of Homestead

2008-06-28T02:23:00.006-04:00

This Sunday I'll be preaching at City Church of Homestead, a new church in the South Miami area, the last stop before the Florida Keys. My friend Chris is the pastor there and City Church has done some remarkable things for the city of Homestead, and the area of South Miami. Chris and I met about a year ago and he has quickly become a friend and mentor to me.

I believe whole-heartedly in the mission of City Church. To reach an area of South Miami with the gospel, through the arts and language of the culture.

If it comes to your mind, pray for me this Sunday morning, and pray for the people of City Church, that their mission would continue to show growth and benefit to the Miami area. We'll be talking about Jesus' radical question in Matthew 12, "Who are my brothers and sisters?"

Jesus came into the world to break down every social and national barrier put in place by man, and carry out the mission of God. The "Big Story of God" is bringing life from death, beauty from ashes, and those that do these things, those that "do the will of my Father", are the true brothers and sisters of Christ.

Blessings and Peace...

New Classics

2008-06-25T00:19:00.003-04:00

I'm a big fan of EW (Entertainment Weekly). If you're a pop culture junkie, it sums everything up. If you're a media drop out, it gives you all you need to know to keep your ear to the ground. This past week EW released a double issue called the New Classics, putting together a list of the top movies, albums, and books of the past 25 years. Since I'm 26, this list is very intriguing.

There's no explanation of the criteria for these selections, but one could gather it includes pop-lore, sales, cult following, influence, and niche. Remember these are the best of the last 25 years in "pop" movies, books, TV, and music.

Here's a rundown of the top 10, plus some others that caught my eye on each list.

Movies

1. Pulp Fiction (1994)
2. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy (2001-03)
3. Titanic (1197)
4. Blue Velvet (1986)
5. Toy Story (1995)
6. Saving Private Ryan (1998)
7. Hannah and Her Sisters (1986)
8. The Silence of the Lambs (1991)
9. Die Hard (1998)
10. Moulin Rouge (2001)

Phil's Notables:: 32. Fight Club, 34. Fargo - Both should have been much higher on the list. Film that should have not been on the list... Speed.

Albums

1. Purple Rain - Prince and the Revolution (1984)
2. The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill - Lauryn Hill (1998)
3. Achtung Baby - U2 (1991)
4. The College Dropout - Kanye West (2004)
5. Madonna - Madonna (1983)
6. American Idiot - Green Day (2004)
7. The Blueprint - JayZ (2001)
8. Graceland - Paul Simon (1986)
9. Back to Black - Amy Winehouse (2007)
10. In Rainbows - Radiohead (2007)

Phil's Notables:: This is the most frustrating list of them all, but I understand the basis for their criteria. Other notables on the list include, 30. Appetite for Destruction - Guns N' Roses (1987), Car Wheels on a Gravel Road - Lucinda Williams (1998), American IV: The Man Comes Around - Johnny Cash (2002), 49. A Rush of Blood to the Head - Coldplay (2002)

Books

1. The Road - Cormac McCarthy (2006)
2. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2000)
3. Beloved - Toni Morrison (1987)
4. The Liars' Club - Mary Karr (1995)
5. American Pastoral - Pilip Roth (1997)
6. Mystic River - Denni Lehane (2001)
7. Maus - Art Spiegelman (1986/1991)
8. Selected Stories - Alice Munro (1996)
9. Cold Mountain - Charles Frazier (1997)
10. The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle - Haruki Murakami (1997)

Phil's Notables:: 21. On Writing - Stephen King (2000), The Things They Carried - Tim O'Brien (1990)

TV Shows

1. The Simpsons (1989-present)
2. The Sopranos (1999-2007)
3. Seinfeld (1989-98)
4. The x-files (1993-2002)
5. Sex and the City (1998 - 2004)
6. Survivor (2000-present)
7. The Cosby Show (1984-92)
8. Lost (2004-present)
9. Friends (1994-2004)
10. Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1997-2003)

Phil's Notables:: This is the list that I have the least problems with for obvious reasons. A few notes though, 11. The Wire - (2002-08) One of the greatest and grittiest shows of all-time. Simply amazing. 17. The Office (UK Original Version, 2001-03) Hands down, the greatest Television Series in the history of television. Hands Down!

Pop culture baby...

In the words of Kurt Cobain, "Here we are now... Entertain us."

Again (Frustration)

2008-06-22T22:37:00.002-04:00

When you try new things in life you expect to struggle. Not everything comes easily. You know, the whole try, fail, try, fail, routine. You get used to the ups and down with a hobby, a workout, something you want to do on the side. It sucks but its still just a side project.

But when the the try/fail thing happens with what you do, what you're supposed to know how to do... its just depressing. What we do in life goes a long way to define who we are. Even the artist defines his or her success by the process of making their art. Our work, whatever the field, becomes the hyphenated reality of our lives.

So when we struggle there, with whatever "that" is, everything else seems to shake a little louder, like a tremor through our bodies. The wondering thoughts crowd our eyes, you know, like that headache you can't lose, the one that hovers right above your eyes, when you stare too long into the sun.

You hope that if you can just keep doing it again, and again... you'll get the feel for it. You'll figure it out. Again and again.

But the frustration is the ache.

I need an Advil.

D.C.

2008-06-18T22:13:00.004-04:00

Rode the train into Washington D.C. yesterday morning. Crossing the Potomac listening to Julie Miller's "I Know Why the River Runs", my eyes fixed on the long shadow the Washington Monument casts on the National Mall. From Lincoln's chair, to Chinatown, this place has a feeling like none other.

There's power here. And people see it. They walk after it with purpose and cause. For the sake of freedom and righteousness. Each determining how that sorts out for themselves.

Why does the river run?

America the beautiful.

The Watchmen of a Burning City

2008-06-09T13:52:00.006-04:00

We walked through the streets of the Old City, watching the soldiers perched on the walls looking down. I was twelve years old following my parents on my first trip outside the country and we made our way to Israel, the Holy Land. Up and down the country we went, but my eyes couldn't escape those green, camo-colored men sitting high upon walls with guns bigger than me in hand. Watching.

There are still watchmen in Israel today. There have always been watchmen in Israel. High upon the walls they wait for movement. They wait for a sign of something.

Recently I find myself thinking how the scriptures effect me. How some passages move us, some challenge us, or free us. For some its the calmness of Psalm 46, or the comfort of eagle's wings in Psalm 91. Others find the confidence of Romans 5 and 8 to be their rock of stability in times of uncertainty. Some live in the magnificence and startling images of John's dream of the things to come.

For me its the watchmen.
I think it's always been the watchmen.

The prophet Habakkuk stood on the rooftop of his city, looking at the utter destruction and atrocities taking place and he cried out.
Like one sending a signal fire down the line.

How long, O Lord must I call for help,
but you do not listen? Or cry out to you, "Violence!" but you do not save?
Why do you make me look at injustice? Why do you tolerate wrong?
Destruction and violence are before me;
there is strife, and conflict abounds.
Therefore the law is paralyzed, and justice never prevails.
The wicked hem in the righteous,
so that justice is perverted.
Habakkuk 1:2-4

While their homes and city burns, the prophet, like a watchman, looks to the horizon for the Lord. When will he come? The answer finds the prophet, with the fires of Jerusalem burning around him, destruction in every direction. The end.
The Lord says:

"'Woe to him to piles up stolen goods and makes himself wealthy by extortion!
How long must this go on?' Will not your debtors suddenly arise?
Will they not wake up and make you tremble? Then you will become their victim.
Because you have plundered many nations, the peoples who are left will plunder you."
Habakkuk 2:6-8

Judgment has come, and desolation creeps in like the black smoke of an undying fire. We have brought this on ourselves he knows. This is our doing, not His.
But the watchman prophet responds to the rebuke of his God:

Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fail and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior.
The Sovereign Lord is my strength; he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
he enables me to go on the heights."
Habakkuk 3:17-19

A watchman waits, and waits. The sound of those arriving he listens for, and his eyes look back and forth for signs of change in the land. The horrific end of Habakkuk's beloved city was the result of the emptiness of justice in the land. Righteousness hid like sunlight in a forest. What was left when the fire burned were only a few. A few watchmen who kept looking to the hills. They looked to the heights where they knew salvation would come.

The Christian message of Jesus Christ teaches more than just a forgiveness ticket to a celestial heaven. It's more than the hope of escape from this world to a heaven "somewhere, out there". We do not long to abandon this God-forsaken place. Habakkuk longed for its peace. Jeremiah wept for his people. Daniel pleaded and prayed that God would restore it to its former glory, that the reviving of his city would come.

"Now, our God, hear the prayers and petitions of your servant.
For your sake, O Lord, look with favor on your desolate sanctuary.
Give ear, O God, and hear; open your eyes and see the desolation
of the city that bears your Name. We do not make requests of you
because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy.
O Lord, listen! O Lord, forgive! O Lord, hear and act!
For your sake, O my God, do not delay,
because your city and your people bear your Name."
Daniel 9:17-19

We wait like watchmen for the call of the king. It comes to the watchmen on the walls, looking out to the hills calling for the Lord their God to act, to move, to rebuild, and bring joy to darkness. The cities of this world are burning. The Church is burning. The pages of the Old and New Testaments tell us of the story time and time again.

To restore something is to bring back what was lost. This world, its cities, its people, lost everything. The work of the kingdom of God is to prevail in bringing all things back. To see the storehouses filled, the olive crops producing, law and justice upheld, and righteousness flowing like a mighty stream.

John's dream ends with the final restoration. The city of peace, the city of God, coming down to this earth! He is the great watchmen of the end seeing all things brought back to the glory of their creation.

Just as Jeremiah saw.
Just as Habakkuk and Isaiah saw.
The answer to Daniels plea.

And so we pray and work to see it. Like watchmen on the walls we long for help to come from the hills. If we store these thoughts in our hearts. If we keep the word of the LORD close to our minds and buried in our souls. If our strength is given to justice in the courts, and righteousness in city squares. If we pray, not because we are righteous, but because of his great mercy. If we call on him to act, to heal, because his city is burning, and this city and its people bear his Name!

John's dream in fact, asks us to climb the city walls to find what we so desperately are looking for. It asks us to see a kingdom coming on the hills where all the colors will bleed into one.* On our knees we plead and pray as Daniel did.

Like watchmen...

"Where are you Lord?"

Come.
For your sake.
For your city.
For your Name.

We are burning.

*U2's "Still Haven't Found what I'm Looking for"

Friday Evening

2008-05-30T20:31:00.003-04:00

The rough cracking of an early summer rain creeps through the windows where I wait. Here is the moment in which I will decide the destination of this night. The moving sounds all around push your conscience to decide, but the answer seems to elude you, and crawl back to its dark and cluttered place to hide.

There is no doubt in this fragile and ragged run mind of mine that my heart wants to follow the cracking rain, to the lights of where things are stirring and twirling, moving and grooving.

But still, the cotton pull of t-shirt, and the comfort calling of these gym shorts make me wonder if the lights and twirls will hold for me what I'm looking for on this rain cracking evening.

This Friday evening.

The Trumpet Child

2008-05-29T16:23:00.006-04:00

The pleasure that comes when one stands over the valley and traces the river below is both pure and fulfilling. The river can lead you from the majesty of the Swiss Alps and the quiet German countryside of the Rhine, or it can bring you across the bridge of a canal into Cincinnati, Ohio. There you will find a historic neighborhood on the banks of the Miami and Erie, and there you will also find Linford Detweiler and Karin Bergquist, the two artists that make up the musical duo Over the Rhine. Today’s musical landscape offers more than enough of what pleases the masses. The musical expression of this husband and wife act however, reminds us that all of us are following after the beautiful sound of the river. A friend recently said, “When our ears tire of that same old song, we always seem to find that new voice, and that new sound.”

Over the Rhine is not a new act at all. Detweiler and Bergquist have been playing together since 1989 producing a collection of folk and country guitars, to the blues and jazz sounds of the piano, and the brilliance of Bergquist’s voice. After releasing their first album Till We Have Faces, which is entitled after C.S. Lewis’ book, Over the Rhine has released almost ten albums including the 2003’s acclaimed release Ohio, 2006’s Drunkard’s Prayer, and last year’s The Trumpet Child.

Though much of their sound since the beginning has blended the marriage of acoustic vibes and the soulful voice of Berdquist, The Trumpet Child breaks free into perhaps the duo’s fullest and most daring expression yet. Sounds of oboes, clarinets, horns, and other things you could find in a high school band room or on a Tom Waits album, each track brings something entirely different than the previous. The opening track of Trumpet Child, “I Don’t Wanna Waste Your Time”, promises their desire to do anything but:

I hope this night puts down deep roots / I hope we plant a seed /
‘Cause I don’t wanna waste your time / With music you don’t need.

Berdquist’s vocals alone convince you that never has anyone felt like time was wasted after listening to her carry you into the concert hall or jazz bar. Over the Rhine brings a desire to put forth music that says something more than what lies on the surface, and reaches to the spiritual crevasses deep within us. There are some things about the world that only the seductive melodies and changes of a jazz dive piano can communicate. Things like our longing for something more, our turning the other way from truth, and our deep and desperate need for love.

Are you feelin’ a little desperate/ Get on your knees and confess it Honey please don’t second guess it/ You’re desperate for love
(from the song “Desperate for Love”)

The timely gift from this duo, however, is their artistic interpretation of what is true, what is good, and what is beautiful. Faith intertwined with beauty produces the type of art and music that we all should celebrate. For Over the Rhine it’s just what they do, how they write, and how they perform. Paste Magazine recently included them in their list of the 100 Greatest Living Songwriters, trying to tell the world that what is good and beautiful about music can still be found. Over the Rhine proves Dick Staub’s words to be true, “In the broader culture, thoughtful creatives labor in obscurity while those with minimal talent who are merely ‘known for being known’ crank out insipid stuff meant to entertain the masses without engaging their brains.” In this world, there are still the small springs in the valley of consumption offering to us that which will stimulate our minds, stir our hearts, and carry us to where we haven’t yet been.

This certainly is the case for the centerpiece of The Trumpet Child. The song for which the album is titled, introduces a sound never before teamed with lyrics like these. These ears at least have never heard such a combination. It’s that sweet place where words and sound make you proud to believe what you believe about the world, and what we as pilgrims are capable of saying about it. The song, “The Trumpet Child” looks to the day when all the true, the good, and the beautiful, will come in full, to put an end to all that strives for other means. With a piano, a sax, and the painful yet comforting flare of a Harmon-muted trumpet, Berdquist’s vocals sing a melody that should move us all.

These are the moments of creation deserving promotion and cheer. This is what we need to hear. The collection of hope and joy, love and evil, bound at the hip with the sound of a street corner in New Orleans, or a small district of Cincinnati.

“The Trumpet Child”
Music lyrics by Detweiler/Berdquist

The trumpet child will blow his horn
Will blast the sky till it’s reborn
With Gabriel’s power and Satchmo’s grace
He will surprise the human race

The trumpet he will use to blow
Is being fashioned out of fire
The mouthpiece is a glowing coal
The bell a burst of wild desire

The trumpet child will riff on love
Thelonious notes from up above
He’ll improvise a kingdom come
Accompanied by a different drum

The trumpet child will banquet here
Until the lost are truly found
A thousand days, a thousand years
Nobody knows for sure how long

The rich forget about their gold
The meek and mild are strangely bold
A lion lies beside a lamb
And licks a murderer’s outstretched hand

The trumpet child will lift a glass
His bride now leaning in at last
His final aim to fill with joy
The earth that man all but destroyed

Pages

2008-05-20T18:41:00.006-04:00

So I was just walking around Barnes & Noble buying some books, and I heard one of the most aweful things.

Mother saying to 10 year old daughter, "I'm not buying you anymore books!"

My body seized. I will never tell someone how to raise their child, but please, please don't deprive her of what she actually wants! Books! Make it anything else! Take away her PSP, or her favorite toy, or send her to her room... so she can read!
Part of me thinks, there's no greater thing a child could say then, "Dad, can you buy this book for me?" I hope I'll say yes every time.

With that thought, here's a list of books I'm hoping to read this summer. It's amazing, after graduating from grad school, you would think I wouldn't want to read anymore, but its quite the opposite actually. I'm just excited I get to spend time reading what I want to read now.

I know I won't make it through all of these, but I'm going to try:

A Tale of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
Eiger Dreams: Ventures among Men and Mountains
- Jon Krakauer
The Culturally Savvy Christian - Dick Staub
The Reason for God: Belief in the Age of Skepticism
- Timothy Keller
Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglas, an American Slave - written by himself
Captain Alatriste - Arturo Perez-Reverte
J.R.R. Tolkien: A Biography - Humphrey Carpenter
Long Journey Home: A Guide to Your Search for the Meaning of Life - Os Guinness
A Secular Faith: Why Christianity Favors the Seperation of Church and State - Darryl Hart
The Shack - William Young
Hood: Book I of the King Raven Trilogy - Stephen Lawhead
Scarlet: Book II of the King Raven Trilogy - Stephen Lawhead

And a few more...
All while listening to Ray LaMontagne's Trouble, Coldplay's new release, and Derek Webb and Sandra McCracken's Ampersand EP.

Happy Reading!

Vacant

2008-04-15T13:50:00.003-04:00

This blog has been vacant for a few months now. The reasons for that are numerous, but the most important one is that my studies have taken over most of my life.

I'm set to graduate next month with my Masters of Divinity from Reformed Theological Seminary in Orlando, FL. It's an exciting time that I cannot believe has finally come, but I now find myself in the midst of the last push, the hardest part.

I love this blog, and hope to continue putting thoughts thoughts out there. When time permits there will be a ton of things I'll share, but for now, Wounds will remain vacant...

Until we speak again.

- Phil

Sculptures of the Soul

2008-02-10T23:44:00.000-05:00

There are two performances in film this year that stand above the rest. Performances that will go down as two of the darkest and horrifying characters in cinematic history.

Javier Bardem, plays the ruthless killer in the Coen Brothers' No Country for Old Men, (nominated for a supporting actor Academy Award) is so memorable on screen that some have dubbed his role as the greatest villain in film history.

Not to be out done, Paul Thomas Anderson's There Will Be Blood, brings us perhaps one of the strongest displays of acting the screen not just has ever seen, but may ever see! Daniel Day-Lewis (nominated for a Best Actor Academy Award), in my opinion, the greatest actor living and working today, gives us genius. Acting genius. His portrayal of Daniel Plainview is desperate, haunting, and somehow familiar. An actor who only works when it's right for him, has given the world something more than acting. It's unreal, really.

Both men will win Oscars in their respective categories, no question, no debate. What struck me however, was the recent cover article for EW that hailed the two actor's performances. You know that moment when you're reading something, or watching something, or listening to a piece of music, and you think to yourself, this is something really special? Something that will be remembered as the very best? I felt that way watching Day-Lewis. Others did as well.

How good is great?
How great is memorable?
Can you call someone, some expression, the very best?

What struck me was the questions posed to Bardem regarding Daniel-Day Lewis:

EW: How did the cover shoot go?
Bardem: It was one of the highlights of my career to be so close to Daniel Day-Lewis.
EW: So you liked his movie?
Bardem: I've seen his performances- as every actor in the world has- hundreds of times. I was introduced by him at the New York Film Critics' Awards, and I said what I truly feel: He creates sculptures of the soul. He is beyond performing. He is about being. He helps us understand a little bit better what we really are.

Sculptures of the soul.
Bardem's thoughts seem to be everyone's. That Day-Lewis is something special. Something beyond performance. I think that's why his role in There Will Be Blood was so polarizing. It was too close to home for all of us. It showed too much of the human soul. Too much of what is under the surface.

For us, it makes us nervous.
For artists, he's the best.
The truest.

In Treatment

2008-02-07T00:41:00.001-05:00

There's a new show on HBO called In Treatment. It's a half-hour dramatic series that's unique in its presentation by airing 5 nights a week. The show centers around a therapist (Gabriel Byrne) treating patients each day. Each week night one particular patient is highlighted. 5 nights a week, 5 different patients, while the next week begins the rotation again with their second visits, and so on.

Recently I've been intrigued more by the realm of counseling and therapy. I have a few friends in Orlando who are in the Counseling program at Reformed Theological Seminary. Last semester I took an Introduction to Counseling class that went a long way to challenge what I believe about the subject, and in general, people. Sometimes on breaks from class, I'll sit and listen to my friends in the counseling program talk about their classes, or their training sessions, and be amazed at what they're learning.

I've been surprised at how much this show has captivated my attention. There's no frills, no action. It's literally a half-hour session with each patient, talking, digging deep.

More and more I believe...
Counseling is a good thing...
Therapy is a good thing, and I'm amazed by counselors and therapists.

One of my great friends in the world, and an elder at my church, is a mental health counselor in the public school system. His work fascinates me, and each time I pick his brain, I feel as if I my brain had been spun.

In Treatment.
Check it out.

Tennis

2008-01-19T19:53:00.000-05:00

There is only one sport like tennis. One sport remaining like tennis. The American sports pallet has seemed to shift in recent decades away from sports like tennis, track and field, and golf, save the influx of popularity brought to golf by Tiger Woods. Without him, where would golf be in the last 20 years?

In my mind, tennis is the last truly great one-on-one sport. The only challenge where one man, or woman, stands across the court of competition to another man or woman, who in that short period of time challenges you, personally, to see if they're better. The "Golden Age" of tennis most likely lasted from the early 70s through the mid 80s. The decade of the 90s brought great American players like Sampras and Agassi, but not the popularity of the game to the average American sport fan.

This time of year is one of my favorites. Just two weeks after the turn of the year, the best tennis players in the world, both men and women, convene in Australia to decide the year's first Grand Slam event. Often tennis is relegated to the back burner of TV coverage, but for two solid weeks, hours of coverage on ESPN2 throughout the day, and into the late hours of night and morning, tennis is everywhere.

Tennis is unique. One-on-one.

How could it get any better than that?

It's also great because of its global appeal and influence. Tennis might now be a "niche" sport in America, but across the world, tennis is as big as it ever was. Maybe bigger. The global intrigue is what I've always loved about the game.

The red clay of Roland Garros in Paris. The close-cut grass of rainy Wimbledon. The raucous fanaticism of Australia. And the priceless and incomparable moments that come with night tennis in New York at the U.S. Open.

Players from all over the world, bringing notoriety and attention to their small countries who long to be seen as important. A Cypriot like Marcos Baghdatis. Perhaps the greatest player ever is from Switzerland. The tiny war-torn nation of Serbia has become the hot bed for young rising Tennis stars. Players like Djokovic, Jankovic, Ivanovic, and more. Russia. Australia. France. I honestly believe much of my love for foreign culture was encouraged by my interest in tennis.

Matches that last five sets, and five hours. One-on-one. Like the late night in '96 when Pete Sampras was pushed so hard, and so far by Alex Corretja, that he vomited multiple times on the court. This is tennis. Extreme competition, pushed by gladiators of extreme talent and fitness.

There's also another element that's always been in tennis. The celebrity appeal. The relationships. No other sport cares so much about who's dating who, who likes who, and who can't stand to be in the same locker room as someone else. For me, it adds to the mystique of tennis. What other sport cuts to the girlfriend or boyfriends of the athletes in between points more than tennis? What other sport is concerned about the beauty of its female players like tennis is, or what they're wearing in their next match? It's a part of the sport that if I was in charge of trying to bring tennis back into the mainstream of the American sport plate, I wouldn't stop talking about.

The bottom line for us disinterested Americans though... We need a star! An American star! An American male star in particular. As great as the Williams sisters have been and will continue to be, they haven't brought tennis back. When Sampras and Agassi retired, we've been looking for the next American hero to bring tennis back to Sportscenter.

It's not Roddick.
It's not Blake.

Can it be the young African-American and recently turned pro Donald Young? Perhaps.
I hope so. But we need someone. This sport is too great. Too unique to be cast aside by the American sports fan.

5 hours.
One-on-one.

The last of the great gladiatorial sports.

I love tennis.

Give it a chance.
Go to Delray in a few weeks.
Go to Key Biscayne in March.

You'll love it I promise.

I'll see you there.

A Call to Disarm

2008-01-15T01:16:00.001-05:00

Every one I'm sure is aware of the Britney Spears situation. You can't be breathing and not have the story bombard you through every media form. You know when that friend of yours who's kind of crazy but you laugh off his antics, well because he's "Johnny"? That's what he does. And then it crosses the line, and it stops being funny and gets really serious. And sad.

Every time I see a Britney story, or see her on TV looking bewildered and confused, I think to myself...she's my age. She's a person who is young and yes, dumb, but she's my age.
Really young.

What are we doing?

Why does this interest us? Why does the demise of someone we all know bring ratings? I'm a media junkie, someone who loves all media forms and technologies. But this is the trade off. This is bored Americans failing to recognize their own problems by pointing and laughing at a young girl, who everyone in her life since the age of 6 has most likely taken advantage of.

So I pray we turn away. I pray and hope the people who care about her move her to a small town in Wyoming. Away from everything to heal and renew her life. I pray she doesn't kill herself. And I pray we look the other way, lay down the media weapons and gun sights and take a look at our own lives.

Turn the TV off.
Don't listen to them talk about her.
I won't anymore.

Reading and Listening to...

2008-01-08T13:18:00.000-05:00

Once in a while I like to let you all know what I've been reading and listening to lately. It gives me a chance to reveal in a different way, what I'm thinking and feeling about right now. Putting it out in this forum also allows me the chance to recommend some really good stuff to you. Not that my recommendation is weighty, or important.
So take it for what its worth.

Without further ado... Here's my reading and listening selections for January '08.

Reading...

Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoeyevsky
Some works of literature should be viewed as projects, not reading. Crime and Punishment is a work I've been wanting to engage for some time now, and over the holidays I finally did it. The pictures are transcendent. The characters memorable, and the stretches of dialogue are moving. Like Poe's Tell Tale Heart, Crime reveals the human conscience, and the struggle we all have with guilt and the hope of redemption. A classic of literature one should attempt in their lifetime. It is not for the feint of heart. A challenge it is, but one of the most rewarding for me in recent memory.

The Jesus of Suburbia - Mike Erre
An incredibly provocative title is not the only thing Mike Erre brings to the table. The Jesus of Suburbia is perhaps one of the most challenging books any American Christian could read right now. Erre is a pastor in California who one day awakened to the fact that his faith was based on consumerism and the "American Dream", and not the radical revolutionary that is Jesus Christ. Do our gated suburban communities dictate the way we view Jesus Christ? A thought we all should consider...

Out of the Silent Planet - C.S. Lewis
Lewis is known for his famed Narnia series, but often his Space trilogy is overlooked. Out of the Silent Planet is the first of the three stories that follows Dr. Ransom and his journey to Malacandra. I haven't read too much science fiction, but reading Stephen Lawhead's Song of Albion series this summer I've become more intrigued by the genre. Lewis writes with his usual beauty and philosophical appeal. I'm looking forward to continuing on the journey.

Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer
The acclaimed writer of Into the Wild gives us his eyewitness account of the 1996 disaster atop Mt. Everest. A climber and journalist, Krakauer was asked to join an expedition of Everest to do a story for Outside Magazine. The book reads in three different ways. Like a novel, the story progresses through the ups and downs of their journey, incorporating action and suspense. Like a history, the author includes passages and stories of historic Everest expeditions and the history of the mountain itself. And finally, like a true account, we're reminded along the way that this actually happened, and he was there to experience and see it first hand. I've never been interested in mountaineering, but that's what reading does. It exposes you to new experiences and genres. I was utterly enthralled and captivated.

Listening to...

Boxer - The National
I recently blogged about my discovery of this indie sensation from Brooklyn, NY, via Cincinnati. I love every minute of this album. Read my past blog, and check out the link to the article in PASTE.

Emotionalism - The Avett Brothers
A weird, trippy, bluegrass group from Asheville, NC, The Avett Brothers are just fun. The vocals on the album feel like they're right in your ears as you listen, and the mixed melodies and harmonies make you sing along, even if you're not a NC bluegrass fan.

Undiscovered - James Morrison
Sometimes you just need a good pop album. James Morrison, a soulful pop artist from the UK provides that need in my life right now. Undiscovered goes to prove that you can still make a pop album that is cool, and has soul. I'm encouraged that there is some hope for the pop genre past Fergie and the Pussycat Dolls.

One Man Band - James Taylor
You can find this album in any Starbucks now. There's nothing to say. One man. Acoustic. Guitar. Piano. Great songwriting. All of this is James Taylor.
You know him. We all love him. One Man Band is a great live album for the Taylor novice, or his greatest fan.

Happy Reading and Listening!

Ascent/Descent

2008-01-03T15:10:00.000-05:00

Weird.

I just found out if I do all my work, which granted is a lot, I will graduate from Reformed Theological Seminary in late May with a Masters of Divinity.

It feels like on the long Everest journey, I've left camp four, en route to the famed Hillary Step. The last great hurdle before ascending to the summit.

The long and winding journey has taken the better part of four years. Which isn't a terribly long time considering the standards and other things going on in my life. Even now though, approaching the greatest and perhaps most technical part of the journey, I have thoughts of coming down the mountain.

What will it be like? Will I be prepared for the rapid descent?

I sort of understand the feeling that great mountaineers encounter when they achieve a summit. The elation of the accomplishment only lasts for a moment, and then thoughts turn. What next?

That's what I'm thinking about now. Embarking on the last part of the climb, I'm beginning to think about the descent. What will I do? What can I do?

Anyone know another great mountain?

Oxygen

2008-01-01T02:38:00.000-05:00

There's so much hype.
So much expectation.
I wonder how many times I talk myself into it.
Willing myself into believing
this or that will happen.
Maybe this time around.
Maybe this time will be different.

But most of the time I feel similar.
Similar to how I felt last time.
Last year.
Hope brings you to the edge.
Reality checks you.
Reminds you we've been here before.
You've climbed this mountain.
You know the way down.
Hype and excitement.
I created it.
I should get myself down.

The lure of the climb pulls though.
Hard.
Like a man grasping for oxygen.
The heights are too dangerous.
There's too much risk here.
But this is what I do.
This is what I've been doing.
I know this route.
I've traveled it time and time again.
Without ropes.
Without oxygen.
How much longer?

The answer is not mine to make.
I cannot decide.
It calls.
I answer.
Everytime.
And probably again and again.
I'll know when.
I'll know when.

Ravi

2007-12-27T15:18:00.001-05:00

I had to post this quote.
It's amazing. It makes me "double over" in laughter as he says, and then makes me cry.

Death is dead.

"Have you ever wondered what you would do to frighten Lazurus after he'd been raised from the dead? What would you do to threaten him? 'Lazurus, I'm gonna kill you!' Coligula said, 'I'm gonna kill you.' He (Lazurus) says, 'Hahaha.' He says, 'stop hahahaing I'm gonna kill you as I'm killing all the Christians.' He doubles over in uncontrolable laughter, comes up for air and says, 'Coligula haven't you heard? Death is dead! DEATH IS DEAD!' How do you frighten somebody who's already been there and knows the one who's gonna let him out?"

- Ravi Zacharias

Late

2007-12-22T02:44:00.000-05:00

It's 2:45 am...

And I have an idea.

The National

2007-12-20T14:13:00.001-05:00

Few things are better than stumbling upon a new artist, be it a writer, musician, painter, photographer, or band.

PASTE magazine, my favorite publication, recently voted
"Boxer" an album by the little known but highly acclaimed Brooklyn outfit The National, album of the year for 2007. So when something like that happens, you must find out why...

As one friend put it, The National is this weird combination of Leonard Cohen and The Waterboys. The vocals of Matt Berninger alone are captivating. Low, trance like vocals that entice you to keep listening. And Bryan Devendorf should be considered one of the best drummers working in rock n' roll right now.

Read the Album of the Year at Paste here::
Album of the Year

It's worth the read, and it's definitely worth the buy.

The National.

"Boxer"

Get it. Love it.

1-13

2007-12-18T14:15:00.000-05:00

How could one game, one game out of 16, seem so big?

I'm an enormous Miami Doplhins fan, and the horrors of being the worst single season team in NFL history were staring us down like Keith Traylor stares down a stack of hotcakes in the morning. It seemed inevitable. It seemed real, and fast. This storied franchise has been on the skids the last 10 years due to awful leadership, shoddy draft choices, and bad coaching. What's the result? 0-13.

But how could 1-13 feel so different?

I was impressed by Cam Cameron's words to the players in the locker room after the game. Rowdy and loud, with steam still filling the air from the showers, Cameron asked them all to slow down, take a deep breath, and exhale...

"We've been holding that in a long time,
and it feels good to let it out."

Two things happened in the league on Sunday. One team moved a step closer to perfection. One team staved off humiliation. But you wouldn't know who was who from the reaction.

Players out of control. The owner crying in the box. A head coach hugging his heroic quarterback. All for 1-13.

Cameron said, "There are a lot of men who couldn't go through what you've gone through this year. It's been hard, it's been tough. But i promise you, you'll be better men for it."

Keith Traylor, all 340 lbs of him has played in 3 Super Bowls, and he said this win is right up there with those. Wow.

1-13.

I can't help but think about how there's strength in those that realize and experience their weaknesses. How would we know joy and happiness, without also knowing struggle and failure? How can we know what grace truly is, if we don't know intimately our deepest struggles and fears? When we are made strong in our weakness, and experience our want, grace comes like a flood.

It comes like a 64 yard quick post route to a receiver with 4 catches all year.

It comes with 1-13 baby.

1-13.

The Singularity

2007-12-08T18:07:00.000-05:00

At some point during the history of my postings on this blog I've mentioned my fascination with space. That's right, I'm a space geek. I posted a few months back about how amazing it is that we blast men and women into space atop 200,000 gallons of rocket fuel and nobody really cares anymore.

I recently was watching a History Channel program on the scientific proof of the phenomenon called,
the black hole.

There are some places in our galaxy, and in the universe, where a star dies and matter collapses to infinite density and spacetime becomes extreme.
In other words, gravity begins to suck things down towards a space-like drain, bending the horizontal plains of space.

What!?

The surface of a black hole is what is called, "The Event Horizon". But what blew my mind, was what lies at the very center...

The Singularity.

A place where they believe the laws of the universe, the laws of physics, do not apply. Where time and space do not exist. Where information could possibly go in, and never come out.

The Singularity.

I believe God set the universe in motion with laws of balance and regulation. Everything moving in their right place, their right speed and motion. But could there be this one place in our galaxy where the rules don't apply?

What!?

I don't know. What I do know is that when my jaw drops in amazement, it is usually a result of creation. The beautiful peddles of a flower. A finished piece of art from the hands of a painter. The wonder of the violent ocean. The confusion of the ends of the universe, the suspension of time.

May God be praised, in the peddles of a flower, and in the deepest unknown of the black hole.

Orphan Girl

2007-12-03T13:21:00.000-05:00

Performed by Emmylou Harris, on the album
The Wrecking Ball
Music & Lyrics by Gillian Welch

I am a orphan
on God's highway
But I'll share my troubles
if you go my way

I have no mother
no father no sister
No brother
I am an orphan girl

I have had friendships
pure and golden
But the ties of kinship
I have not known them

I know no mother
no father no sister
No brother
I am an orphan girl

But when he calls me
I will be Able
To meet my family
at God's table

I'll meet my mother
my father my sister
My brother
no more an orphan girl

Blessed savior
make me willing
And walk beside me
until I'm with them

Be my mother
my father my sister
My brother
I am an orphan girl

Be my mother
my father my sister
My brother
I am an orphan girl
I am an orphan girl

Between Two and Three

2007-11-13T02:20:00.000-05:00

The nights seem to come sooner, quicker now
One right after another, before a morning can last
Before an afternoon can sweat
Night comes again

In it there is only space looking to be filled
The same space that was dealt with in yesterday’s darkness
Here again

The more mornings and nights I see
The fewer friends I notice, come by, and occupy
Maybe the space of the nights is just this space in life
This time when, well, I don’t know
It’s just…
Space, looking to be filled

Now though I grab at anything that makes noise
A film, a song, the white noise of the box
So the space will be filled with something
Not the sound of Bach, or the beauty of a woman’s voice
But it fills the space… something has to

They say proudly, “How much could I accomplish
with your space!”
But this hollowness doesn’t inspire
It doesn’t motivate
In fact it can stifle, and bore, and suffocate

The night’s empty space is relentless and bold
But even within, there are the strings
The high strings that can change the tone of a haunting overture
Into the sun shined space of spring

For me, day is the sound of her voice
The melody of the wine that touches our lips
That breaks the space cluttered with cheapened help
Here we find what truly fills
What truly frees
Here in the space between two and three…
Is the only hope for wine...
Between eight and nine

Broken Things

2007-11-06T13:45:00.000-05:00

Lyrics by Julie Miller

You can have my heart
Though it isn't new
It's been used and broken
And only comes in blue
It's been down a long road
And it got dirty on the way
If I give it to you will you make it clean
And wash the shame away

You can have my heart
If you don't mind broken things
You can have my life if you don't mind these tears
Well I heard that you make old things new
So I give these pieces all to you
If you want it you can have my heart

So beyond repair
Nothing I could do
I tried to fix it myself
But it was only worse when I got through
Then you walked into my darkness
And you speak words so sweet
And you hold me like a child
Till my frozen tears fall at your feet

BMG Songs Inc/Verdugo Music/Word Music(ASCAP)

Into the Wild

2007-11-01T13:28:00.000-04:00

The beautiful thing about film and art is the way it moves you. It can carry you along from one place to another. Sometimes not even aware of it, we’re swept up into something, and then gently let back down when the experience closes.

I recently saw the film version of John Krakauer’s bestselling book Into the Wild. The film, just released by Paramount Vantage in late September, boasts Sean Penn as writer/director. Set in the early 90s, the film follows the story of Christopher McCandless (played by Emile Hirsch), a fresh graduate from Emory University with high scores, and big aspirations. Well, one would think. After graduation, Chris gave the $24,000 in his savings account to charity, abandoned his family, and set out on a journey that would take him to South Dakota, Mexico, and ultimately the great white north of Alaska.

All of us have dreamed at some point in our lives of making the same decisions. Life can get so muddled and fake that we long for this idyllic place. A place where life is more “true”, and different than whatever has scarred or hurt us in our past. You will find early on in this film that it is not a “survival” film. It is not a film of great adventure, or of a heroic character beating the odds as he wages war against the wild.

This is a film of escape.

McCandless lives in the world where status and degrees are currency. Harvard Law is the next logical step, and you certainly can’t drive a beat up Datsun if you’re going to attend Harvard Law. That’s what Walt McCandless thinks, Chris’ father. The tension that develops between this seemingly happy family is overwhelming. So overwhelming for Chris, that he escapes.

With Thoreau and Tolstoy in hand, and a backpack of essentials he sets out for his own personal quest into the wild, where the constraints of a bastardized society do not reach. You can find ideals in the wild. The way things “should be”.

In the wild, you wouldn’t have to deal with your father’s abuse. You wouldn’t have to live with knowing your father had a previous family, with previous children you knew nothing about. Everything wouldn’t be a fraud. Things have been said. Things done inside the walls of a family that cannot be healed in Chris’ mind. The only tonic, the only cure, is leaving it all behind. Not just leaving, but becoming someone else…Alexander Supertramp.

His consoling words along the way to another, speak for himself as well. “Some people feel like they don't deserve love. They walk away quietly into empty spaces, trying to close the gaps of the past.” So it was for Alex Supertramp, and Chris McCandless.

The wild calls us at different times in our lives. It taunts us with its beauty, promising that it can fill the void, and make us happy. For Supertramp it does. For the better part of 2 years he’s dead to the world. Dead to his family, his sister, and the society that hurt him so deeply.

When McCandless’ parents first realize his disappearance is voluntary, they can’t understand him. They want to scold, yell, “Why is he doing this to us? Why is he embarrassing us?” These are the reactions Chris expects. What he doesn’t see however, is what his sister Carine narrates at one point in the film.

“I wish you could see them now. They’re not the same people they were when you left…they’re softer.”

Perhaps if Chris could have seen how his parents had changed. How they had gone from selfish frauds in his mind, to…parents. Hurting parents.

This journey is an escape into the wild. An escape from people. The journey is to find all one could ever need in the bosom of nature herself. Though many set out on such a journey, they’re often left with the same void upon arrival. The void that only relationship can fill. Only the happiness that another human can provide.

Each character McCandless comes into contact with on his journey has the same story. The same void of forgotten relationships, unforgiven people, and they plead with him to turn back. To stay with them. But his void is not yet overwhelmed.

On a desert hillside, his grandfather like friend, Franz, played by Hal Holbrook, pleads with him, “When you forgive, you love. And when you love, God's light shines upon you.”

This is what we wish and long for Chris to see as we watch. We pray he feels the love of a Father waiting at home to see his face. He wants to know, “What if I were smiling and running into your arms? Would you see then what I see now?” We hope the prodigal will return, and instead of finding the judgmental glare of the father he knew, he would find the loving arms of his father wrapped around him, holding, crying.

The wild is real. It does not care for others. It does not take into account your quest or personal journey. It does not care for your scars or wounds which you bring into her cave. And so when we find ourselves there, armed with Chris’ words, “Rather than love, than money, than faith, than fame, than fairness... give me truth.” The wild mocks us and tells us to go home. Only the happiness and relationship that community with other human beings bring, can heal the wounds and scars we all carry. Only our lives together can overcome the abuse of a father. For McCandless, it was what the wild so brutally taught him.

“If we admit that human life can be ruled by reason, then all possibility of life is destroyed.”

His last words were, “happiness is real, only if it is shared”.

Are we sharing our lives? Do we know the wounds and cracks of our lives can only be healed in relationship, in community?

This is a film that does not leave you in the same place you began, and for that reason alone; it is a beautiful work of art worth our attention. Make the drive. Find the theater.

Into the Wild.

Cynic

2007-10-31T19:35:00.000-04:00

God is teaching me...

Slowly.

To be less cynical...

Ryan Adams

2007-10-25T16:59:00.000-04:00

Today is a great day. I got my hands on the new Ryan Adams EP, "Follow the Lights". I've decided something very recently. Ryan Adams, in all forms, by himself, with the Cardinals, or in the early days with Whiskeytown, is my favorite artist ever.

Maybe it's the time of life I'm in. I can't get enough of it. Whether its road trips, seeing him live, or barbecuing in Armstrong's back yard. The music just speaks to my soul. Sometimes painful, sometimes playful. Other times depressing, and definitely, the "damn" times.

Adams has been labeled a drama queen, mad genius, and punk. Make no mistake. He is all of those. But just like other greats before him, his work stands alone. Elton John said Adams is the greatest singer/songwriter of his generation, and regularly covers Adams' stuff, most notably, "Oh My Sweet Carolina".

His concert two weeks ago at the Fox Theatre in Atlanta was stunning. Musically gifted, lyrically brilliant, and emotionally haunting, Adams has a way of speaking about duty, pain, depression, love, and home. He is an American treasure. Even if he knows it. Even if he's an ass.

Sometimes I wish Adams was a little more user friendly. I wish he wasn't so much like...well, Ryan Adams. If he could just be less of a jerk, nicer even. But then again... isn't that what makes Ryan Adams, Ryan Adams? It's him taking 30 minute intermissions. He's the guy who mesmerizes you for an hour and a half, and then pulls an "Adams" by not coming back for an encore, leaving everyone upset. All of that...plus the genius. The lyrics. The guitars and pianos, make him completely unique in music today.

In a day when music is overly produced and fake...

there is Ryan Adams...
and the Cardinals...
and Whiskeytown.

"I Taught Myself How to Grow Old"
Words and Music by Ryan Adams, from the Album Easy Tiger

Poor little rose, beaten by the rain
In the wind, in the gale, thunder and the hail
Sometimes I feel like I'm going insane
Without the numbness or the pain so intense to feel
'Specially now it added up through the years

And I, I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
Now I'm crooked on the outside and the inside's broke

Most of the times I got nothing to say
When I do it's nothing and nobody's there to listen anyway
I know I'm probably better off this way
I just listen to the voices on the TV 'til I'm tired
My eyes grow heavy and I fade away

'Cause I, I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
Though I was crooked on the outside

I taught myself how to grow
Without any love and there was poison in the rain
I taught myself how to grow
'Til I was crooked on the outside, inside's caved

Crooked on the outside, inside's caved
Crooked on the outside, inside is caved
I taught myself how to grow old

Flour and Oil

2007-10-20T00:26:00.001-04:00

Certain things seem like they're never going away. Part of growing older you would think, means that some things become easier; others harder, but at least the things you've been dealing with will go away right?

What is it that keeps us from changing? Is it fear of the unknown? A lack of understanding of the past?

I'm currently on a reading plan through the Bible, which by the way I used to laugh at, now if I'm honest is one of the main reasons I read the Bible. It works, so pick one up. One of the great things about these plans is that it takes you throughout the whole bible, and not just the places you like. The other day I was reading in 1 Kings, and came to the story of Elijah and the widow. This really desperate scene where a prophet of God, certainly having to know the situation of the widow, asks her for food and water. She swears all she has is enough to take home for herself and her son, and that’s it.

They'll die.

Then Elijah, this prophet says, "Oh don't worry, go home and you'll be fine. I promise. But first... make me a cake."

“Make me a cake, for when you go home, the jar of flour will not be used up and the jug of oil will not run dry until the day the Lord gives rain on the Land."

Can you imagine that moment for the widow? She has nothing. And here's this man who says he's a prophet, promising her a lifetime's worth of supply... but now she must put all she has into this cake for him?

When I think about it, it's like I can see her there, kneading the flour, thinking only of her son back home, tears mixing with flour, thinking, "God...what are you doing to me?"

She doesn't know for sure that her flour and oil jars will be "magic" jugs now. She doesn't know what will happen to her and her boy. She bends down, and makes a cake.

I can't stop thinking about it.
It's seared in my mind now.

There are so many things in my life that I just can't shake. I can't get them off me, and in one moment I know why, and in another, I have no idea. "God...what are you doing to me?"

For some reason I’ve never been able to give it all up. To look myself square in the eyes and say, “do you trust Him enough? Do you trust yourself enough?” I can’t count the times I’ve been at the place where I was being asked to move, and yet I stood still.

Desperation usually leads to lashing out and bad decisions. But this widow…

She takes the flour…and the oil…and on the promise that God will move towards her…makes a cake for Elijah.

You see I want to know so desperately- I want to know that if I’ll just give what little I have, believe me its nothing, if I’ll just give it over, will he fill my jar? Will the jug run over with more than I need? Will he do it?

We all have so many things in our lives that are unanswered. So many issues we don’t want to look at, face, or talk about. A laundry list of struggles that beat us down time and time again, and the thoughts of ever getting passed them become more like a fantasy than a possibility.

But there’s this widow…

In her most desperate time, she gave of what she did not have to the Lord. He took it, and for the rest of her life, took care of her.
There is no doubt that if I could just take what little flour, and what little oil I have, and give it to the Lord…He will answer.

He will answer.

But will I?

BlackWater

2007-10-04T17:10:00.000-04:00

I'm not sure how many of you have seen the recent news concerning the American private security company called Blackwater USA. (I'm a news junkie by the way) The usually covert security forces who routinely protect and transport dignitaries around the world, has become a household name due to the accusations that they were trigger happy a few weeks back in Iraq.

I don't know what happened, but apparently these guys are the real deal. Ex-seals and Secial Ops guys who are Bad-A's.

Here's what I know...

Blackwater is the coolest name ever! I want to start a group who does cool things. What? I don't know, we'll see, but it has to have a freaking cool name like Blackwater. So here's where I turn to you...

What should the name be?

It has to have two of the following three options in the title: Color, noun, number, and sound like it could be a legit group included in a Ludlum or Clancy book, or in a Bourne film.

Not to rip off the Le Batard show too much, but cooler undercover ops organization than Blackwater?...

888.790.3652

A Floridian's Fall

2007-10-01T14:35:00.000-04:00

For those of us who are legitimate Floridians, who have grown up here for our entire lives, understand a few things about life in south florida.

Tourists and snowbirds are a part of our lives. Always. We accept it, we silently deal with it driving down our local roads... Well maybe not silently.

Hurricanes are just a longer rainstorm for us. Some of us sick freaks actually like watching hurricane coverage as a circulating storm approaches our shores.

Something happens in late September, early October, when a true floridian knows that fall is here. Anyone else, from any place else, probably thinks its just raining, its still 80 degrees out. But there's this change in the air that I try to describe to those not from Florida, that's different. Not drastic, but subtle.

It's like biting sarcasm with a little bit of the edge shaved off. It is what it is. But we know. A true floridian can feel the difference, and it's what keeps us here year after year. These next 6 months, when the weather will be some of the best found on this here planet earth. It's what keeps me from moving to Chicago or Denver, although still likely options someday.

Welcome to the Florida Fall, it is upon us.

Some of you may be wondering, " He hasn't blogged in a month, and this is what he chooses to come out of the box with?" Legitimate thoughts I must say, but due to the fact that I'm sitting in a coffee shop watching the rain and the wind blow, and moping in my despondence over who the Miami Dolphins now are, lead me to write this incredibly boring post, that I apologize has wasted a few minutes of your day. Oh well, what are ya gonna do?...

The Church's One Foundation

2007-08-31T16:57:00.000-04:00

We have chapel on Wednesday's at RTS Orlando.
It's a time I used to take for granted, but recently have come to look forward to.
There's something beautiful about standing shoulder to shoulder with other students, professors, men, and women, singing from someplace deep the great words of a hymn like this:

The church's one foundation is Jesus Christ her Lord;
she is his new creation by water and the Word.
From heaven he came and sought her
to be his holy bride;
with his own blood he bought her,
and for her life he died.

Elect from every nation, yet one o'er all the earth;
her charter of salvation, one Lord, one faith, one birth;
one holy name she blesses, partakes one holy food,
and to one hope she presses, with every grace endued.

Though with a scornful wonder we see her sore oppressed,
by schisms rent asunder, by heresies distressed,
yet saints their watch are keeping; their cry goes up, "How long?"
And soon the night of weeping shall be the morn of song.

Mid toil and tribulation, and tumult of her war,
she waits the consummation of peace forevermore;
till, with the vision glorious, her longing eyes are blest,
and the great church victorious shall be the church at rest.

Yet she on earth hath union with God the Three in One,
and mystic sweet communion with those whose rest is won.
O happy ones and holy! Lord, give us grace that we
like them, the meek and lowly,
on high may dwell with thee.

Heima

2007-08-28T14:02:00.001-04:00

I saw this on another blog.
Some of you may be familiar with the Icelandic band Sigur Ros.

Simply incredible.

This video is a promotional for an upcoming concert tour for Sigur Ros. The cinematography is out of this world.

This is fimlmaking at its finest, even if it's just a trailer... check it out.

Heima, trailer - Sigur Ros

Come Thou Fount

2007-08-15T13:34:00.000-04:00

Here's my heart Lord,

Take and seal it,

Seal it for Thy courts above.

Morning and Evening

2007-08-13T23:45:00.000-04:00

From Charles Haddon Spurgeon

Evening, August 13

“And I will remember my covenant.”
Genesis 9:15

Mark the form of the promise. God does not say, “And when ye shall look upon the bow, and ye shall remember my covenant, then I will not destroy the earth,” but it is gloriously put, not upon our memory, which is fickle and frail, but upon God's memory, which is infinite and immutable. “The bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant.” Oh! it is not my remembering God, it is God’s remembering me which is the ground of my safety; it is not my laying hold of his covenant, but his covenant’s laying hold on me.

Glory be to God! the whole of the bulwarks of salvation are secured by divine power, and even the minor towers, which we may imagine might have been left to man, are guarded by almighty strength. Even the remembrance of the covenant is not left to our memories, for we might forget, but our Lord cannot forget the saints whom he has graven on the palms of his hands. It is with us as with Israel in Egypt; the blood was upon the lintel and the two side-posts, but the Lord did not say, “When you see the blood I will pass over you,” but “When I see the blood I will pass over you.” My looking to Jesus brings me joy and peace, but it is God’s looking to Jesus which secures my salvation and that of all his elect, since it is impossible for our God to look at Christ, our bleeding Surety, and then to be angry with us for sins already punished in him. No, it is not left with us even to be saved by remembering the covenant.

There is no linsey-wolsey here—not a single thread of the creature mars the fabric. It is not of man, neither by man, but of the Lord alone. We should remember the covenant, and we shall do it, through divine grace; but the hinge of our safety does not hang there—it is God’s remembering us, not our remembering him; and hence the covenant is an everlasting covenant.

"To be Understood..."

2007-08-11T17:11:00.000-04:00

Wednesday night I saw John Mayer live in West Palm Beach. Many of you know I'm a fan of Mayer's music, presentation, talent, and everything else. As usual, the show was great, but something unexpected stole my thoughts at the end.

This particular show was the last show of his summer tour, and also, the last show of a very long and big year for Mayer. At the end of the show, Mayer spent a few minutes talking about the ridiculousness of the past year, and gave his thanks to the hundreds of people who make his life happen. From tech people, roadies, agents, band members, Mayer said, "you may not like me, but the fact that you've been with me through all of this tells me that you understand me. And for me that's the greatest gift I could ever recieve."

To be understood. Mayer said is the greatest and most important affirmation and element of his life. It's what feeds him, what he longs and hopes for.

Many of you who read this blog are artists of some sort or another. Actually, most of you seem to either be writers or photographers, which is interesting. I do not claim to be an artist, only a person who hopefully thinks artistically sometimes.
I totally understand Mayer's desire, "to be understood." I feel it everytime I climb a stage or pulpit to preach the scriptures. But I also thought how interesting it is, that an artist of extreme talent, who gives his art as a self-expression of who he or she is, wraps his entire being in the reaction of others. If we the hearer, the watcher, the one viewing the art, understands the art, understands the artist, then the artist has been "understood", and feels affirmed and validated.

If I could dare say, I think this points to how beauty and art, although the outward flow of inward self-expression, is uniquely communal. If others cannot join in, comment on, or validate that which is so close to our beings, our art, our expression, what's the use? Can any artist truly ever say, "I do this just for myself"? Can they truly say "it doesn't matter if anyone else likes it or not"? I'm not sure. I'm not an artist.

Those of you who are, I'd welcome your comments and discussion...

What does it mean, "to be understood".

Mr. Stand-fast

2007-08-09T11:40:00.000-04:00

The art is an illustration of Mr. Stand-fast and Madam Bubble in John Bunyan's, Pilgrim's Progress.
Do you remember Mr. Stand-fast in Pilgrim's Progress?

Dying, he confidently declared...

"I am going now to see that Head that was crowned with thorns, and that Face that was spit upon, for me. I have formerly lived by hear-say, and faith, but now I go where I shall live by sight,
and shall be with him, in whose company I delight myself."

Transatlanticism

2007-08-07T00:19:00.000-04:00

Nothing quite fills that space. The side of you that hopes for the perfect. There's a part of you that knows all this is beautiful. All this is here, now, breathtaking.

"the atlantic was born today and i'll tell you how:
the clouds above opened up and let it out."

But there's this other side. This part that sees the breakdown. The disconnect. What happened? How could the gap between what is so beautiful and what is so vile be this wide? What can be done? Can this all be saved? Can I be saved?

"I was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere
when the water filled every hole.
and thousands upon thousands made an ocean,
making islands where no island should go.
oh no."

Is there something that can cross the distance? This vast wasteland of human depravity and mishap. This vile and cheap picture of something I know is out there. Something that once was. Something that will one day be again. Can mountains under seas cry out? Are they crying now? Is there a groaning for something to take place?

Can you feel it? Can you hear the longing?

The need for justice and beauty. For all things to be put to rights. For beauty to be restored.

Love bestowed.

Redemption given.

"those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats.
I thought it less like a lake and more like a moat.
the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flood lands to your door have been silenced forever more.
the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row
it seems farther than ever before
oh no."

O how I long! How we long! For the new. Not just recreated, but recreated so much fuller, so much plentiful, so much...

"I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer"

Pause...wait for it...

"I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer
I need you so much closer"

How long? How long should we sing this song? Someone asked.

Can you hear the longing? Can you hear the drums, the pulsing, the pain, the culmination, the fear and trembling? Can you hear the longing?

"so come on, come on
so come on, come on
so come on, come on"
(just keep singing it)

How long? Can you hear it?

**quoted lyrics from the song Transatlanticism, by Death Cab for Cutie

It Ain't Regular

2007-07-31T18:03:00.000-04:00

In the Adventures of Huckleberry Finn, we find the classic character of Tom Sawyer steering our imaginations to get all fixed in some mischief. There are a few priceless moments in Huck Finn when Tom Sawyer lays down the "law" of the matter. For Tom, there's thieving the right way, and thieving the wrong way. "Tom's got his principles", as Huck says.

In perhaps one of my favorite lines in the book, after being pressed on why Tom's gang have to rob in a certain way, he simply states in a hilarious childlike way..."I've seen it in books; and so of course that's what we've got to do."

Later on in the classic when Huck and Tom reunite further down the Mississippi River, they hatch a plan to spring Jim, the black slave and friend of Huck. While they could have simply helped Jim escape by distracting the guard and pushing Jim out the front door, it wasn't "regular" enough. You see Tom's read books. He knows that when prisoners escape it takes them years, digging with case knives, and scrawling messages in blood on cell walls. So of course, this is how it should be done, because if it's not done in this great manner, there's no glory. And why would you want to escape if no one would talk about it anyways?

When Huck asks Tom about giving Jim a feather quill to write his messages on the wall, Tom snaps back with his correction:

"Prisoners don't have geese running around the donjonkeep to pull pens out of, you muggins. They always make their pens out of the hardest, toughest, troublesomest piece of old brass candlestick or something like that they can get their hands on; and it takes them weeks and weeks, and months and months to file it out, too, because they've got to do it by rubbing it on the wall. They wouldn't use a goose quill if they had it. It ain't regular."

Sometimes things happen in life where we know for sure there has to be an easier way. There has to be a sure fire, flash in the pan answer to every stinkin' sitiation.

But come on...
There's a process, a way to do things...
What would Tom Sawyer say anyway if you weren't lookin' for the adventure!?

"...It ain't regular"

In this Valley of Tears

2007-07-25T20:44:00.000-04:00

I don't know where you're at today. Happy. Sad.
Scared, nervous, or elated..
I read this today and it brought such comfort and peace.
Such beauty and promise.

We shall be led through. Safely through.

Heidelberg Catechism

Question 26. What believest thou when thou sayest, "I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth"?

Answer: That the eternal Father of our Lord Jesus Christ (who of nothing made heaven and earth, with all that is in them; who likewise upholds and governs the same by his eternal counsel and providence) is for the sake of Christ his Son, my God and my Father; on whom I rely so entirely, that I have no doubt, but he will provide me with all things necessary for soul and body and further, that he will make whatever evils he sends upon me, in this valley of tears turn out to my advantage; for he is able to do it, being Almighty God, and willing, being a faithful Father.

What I'm Reading

2007-07-24T15:08:00.000-04:00

This summer I feel like I've read more than at any other time in my life, and to my greater surprise, have been blown away at how much I have enjoyed it and seen written words feed my soul. From the trivial and fun, to the moving and intellectual, reading has become something new and different for me these past few months.

I'm always intrigued to know what others are reading and so routinely I'll check other sites and blogs to find out what some of you and other friends are reading. So I thought I'd do the same and every once in a while share with you what I'm reading.

So here's what I'm reading this week...

1. The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn

An American classic that as Dr. Lamerson wrote, "everyone should read at least once." Just be wary, the N word is used thoroughly. A fun adventure, that speaks to the heart of Americana and history.

2. Clemente: The Passion and Grace of Baseball's Last Hero

My passion as a baseball fan continues to grow and grow. Baseball history captivates me. And this biography that has been hailed as one of Sport's best in recent years, depicts the stoic and proud Clemete. The "royal" Pirate, whose "eyes burned with the fire of dignity". A portrait of a baseball icon, a rifle arm, and a humanitarian. More than just a baseball book, Clemente, speaks to race, homeland, and grace.

Until next week...
Happy Reading

Much Afraid

2007-07-23T09:31:00.000-04:00

lyrics by Jars of Clay

Empty again
Sunken down so far
So scared to fall
I might not get up again

So I lay at your feet
All my brokenness
I carry all of my burdens to you

All of these things
I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me go

So happy to love
Yet so far to go
You lead me on to where I've never been before

All of these things
I've held up in vain
No reason nor rhyme
Just the scars that remain
Of all of these things
I'm so much afraid
Scared out of my mind
By the demons I've made
Sweet Jesus, you never ever let me go
Oh, sweet Jesus, never ever let me go

Man vs. Wild

2007-07-20T00:23:00.000-04:00

So, there's this show on the Discovery Channel that I've just recently gotten into.

Man vs. Wild.

Needless to say, it's incredible. It follows Bear Grylls, an ex-SAS British Special Service agent, and the youngest briton to ever scale Mt. Everest at age 23.

The premise of the show - Bear drops into remote parts of the world, often parachuting or paragliding in. From there, he's on his own. With just a water bottle, a knife, and a flint, he begins his survival campaign in search of civilization.

Many have knocked the show for the simple fact that this guy, who is slightly crazy, is followed around by a camera crew, so I mean, how bad could it really be, and come on, they have supplies don't they? Apparently, a camera crew of 2 follows his exploits with the proper food, supplies, and protection they need. But they're not aloud to help Bear... And if that really keeps you from enjoying the show, or thinking he's credible, then just chill out, relax, and be entertained.

From eating snakes, to drinking his own urine, Bear does things you thought were impossible. Like the time he was in the Sierra Nevadas, carved an Indian throwing stick, and from 20 yards away, flung it at a rabbit, struck it, and killed it for food. What was I doing while this was happening? Sitting on my couch eating fritos.

I love this show. Not just because he's fun to watch and does things you know you would never have the guts to do, but because it makes me think about survival.

Isn't it amazing to see at what lanks humans will go to survive? We all have heard the stories, the heroism. That hiker who was trapped under a boulder a few years back and cut his own arm off with a pen-knife. What brings a person to do that? There's something deep within humanity. An innate desire to live. Breathe. That, cannot be duplicated.

Although Man vs. Wild presents a more lighthearted approach to survival, I can't help but think of what I'd do to live.

What we all would do to live.

What a Song

2007-07-10T11:06:00.000-04:00

Some songs become part of American Pop history. They just keep appearing in various forms, versions, and interpretations.
"To Love Somebody", was originally written and recorded by the
Bee Gees in 1967, but was made famous as the title track of Nina Simone's 1969 album. Since then, all kinds of artists, from every genre have covered the song.

From, Rod Stewart, to Billy Corgan, Michael Bolton, Simone, and a handful of others, the song just keeps breathing on its own.

This version linked below is my favorite though. When a great song meets the raw emotion of an artist... it breathes anew. And there's no doubt, whenever Damien Rice opens his mouth to sing, and plucks the first string on his guitar, he's letting it all hang out... its all emotion. Here he's joined by another great folk based artist, Ray Lamontagne, a "present day Cat Stephens"... the rest speaks for itself.

The key to a great cover... be true to the original, be true to yourself. This version is light, fun, and emotional...

Click the link below and it will take you to YouTube. I'm still not sure how to post the video straight on this page with the new version of Blogger. If any of you know the trick let me know... Enjoy.

Damien & Ray "To Love Somebody"

Escape

2007-07-07T13:58:00.000-04:00

Stephen Lawhead is an author I've recently come across. His writing focuses on Celtic mythology, and Old Engligh legend, mixed with the supernatural. If you're in any kind of school still, especially some form of grad school, or about to start, you know how much reading is ahead of you that will be exclusive to your field of interest. That reading can be great, enlightening, and of course its growing our minds in the area we want to specialize in.But sometimes that reading can get really old.

This summer I've tried to escape through reading, by diving into books I wouldn't normally read and genres I was unfamiliar with before. It's been awesome.

I came across an interview with Lawhead about why he writes the kind of stories he does... I thought it was incredible.

"In fantasy, the author echoes the creation of this manifest world, in which we live, with the fashioning of a sub-created world, in which the story's characters live. A common feature of such literature is a portal- C.S. Lewis' wardrobe must surely be the most well known, through which the reality-bound protagonist travels into a more stylized imaginary, yet somehow more true, world. ..

J.R.R. Tolkien, was criticized in his day for indulging the juvenile whim of writing fantasy, which was considered- an inferior form of literature and disdained as mere "escapism".

'Of course it is escapist', he cried. 'That is its glory! WHen a soldier is a prisoner of war it is his duty to escape- and take as many with him as he can.' He went on to explain, 'the money lenders , the knownothings, the authoritarians have us all in prison; if we value the freedom of the mind and soul, if we're partisans to liberty, then its our plain duty to escape, and to take as many people with us as possible."

That is the aim of the great story, the grand narrative, the great epic of fantasy.

Enjoy reading something this summer that takes you into another world, a more beautiful place, where your mind can be free, where it can relax, where it can "escape".

quiet eyes

2007-07-02T22:24:00.000-04:00

I'm not usually the kind of person that spends a lot of time in front of the mirror. This morning was different...

Beneath the surface there are many layers. Things piling up so tall they conceal the very heart of something. They hide meaning.

We all know it. We feel it.

Our bodies become vessels of stories. Carriers of secrets and dreams, desires and problems. Day to day, month by month, you'd think the sheer troubling load of life would sneak out from under you and scream to all those standing in the line at the coffee shop, "Hey! Look at me! You wanna know who I am!?"

And at the end of every day, as sleep creeps upon us, we drift into what once was called Never Never Land, but now feels more like a forest so thick, even the best analyzing via- staring at the ceiling - can't lead you out.

This morning though, the moment at the mirror lasted longer...

You know there is a leak in this vessel. A crack in the belly of this boat carrying my hopes and dreams, my problems.

It's the eyes...

The half inch below your forehead and above your cheek bones. There it is. The one place the layers can't reach. The only part of my entire life that lay exposed for anyone to truly see if they'll just look close enough. The eyes. Someone called it the "windows to the soul." You see, when you first realize this, you can't turn away. What usually is a quick trip to the mirror has suddenly become an hour of introspection.

What do my eyes reveal? When people look at me, what do they see? How come the layers, the whatever, the stuff, how come they can't reach the eyes!? It's just a little further!

When others look, what do they see? Do they see happiness? Anxiety? Peace? Do they say things like trust and faith, or "don't worry, I'm here"?

Do these eyes show heartache or disappointment? Hope... love? Are these eyes so open, so clear that even the youngest child could stare me down and know me through and through?

Can broken eyes laugh as Ryan Adams sings? Maybe the eyes do hold everything Peter Gabriel says, "the light, the heat...the doorway to a thousand churches, in your eyes, I want to touch the light, the heat I see in your eyes" Can such small things hold so much?

What do my eyes hold, what do they say?

God I hope they say, "grace". I hope they can say the words,
"I love you". Please God let them smile... can you smile with your eyes? I want to smile with my eyes.

There's so much going on inside, and standing here, staring at this mirror, I can't believe how much I'm saying without even speaking. Do I always talk this much? Are my eyes always this loud?

And thats when I prayed, "God, give me quiet eyes". Not to conceal, but to love. Not to withhold, but to receive. To smile so delicately, someone knows you care.

God, may my eyes say, "grace"... please...can they say,
"I love you".

Sarah

2007-06-28T12:24:00.000-04:00

It's high time I gave a ringing endorsement to the writing of my dear friend, Sarah Marker. If you know Sarah, she matches an incredible intellectual capacity, with the artistic expression of a master wordsmith.

Her site is linked from this blog, where you can find links to all of her writing. Be sure to check out yesterday's blog entry on William Faulkner (June 27).

Happy Reading...

Sarah Marker

Listening Whiskey

2007-06-26T22:50:00.000-04:00

Certain settings make you really uncomfortable.
Others, can be thrilling, captivating even. Some though, leave you in a stunned state of mind, really, unable to grasp it.

This past week I was in Denver, Colorado (a very, very cool city by the way) for the national meetings of the denomination I'm a part of, the EPC (Evangelical Presbyterian Church). I spent most of the week surrounded by men and women who are much cooler than I am, so much more talented than I, and seem to be even more passionate and given to their cause than I think I can ever be to something.

You learn to respect others as you age. You realize what the legacy of a lone pastor in Warsaw, Indiana is, and how much more impressive that is than whatever I'm doing right now will ever be. I found myself walking aimlessly around this giant assembly of men so impressive, I felt kind of lost for a day, not able to see how I could ever amount to anything quite like this.

And then, with the light of a cigar, and the pour of a bourbon, it all changed.

One night I hung close by my father, suddenly feeling like the 5 year old that used to cower behind his leg at the approach of strangers. We came upon a circle of men on the hotel patio enjoying the smell of Domincan tobacco, the sweet subtly of Maker's Mark, and the cool Colorado air.

Friends of my father, I then realized how far his name reached. How influential his voice is. How so many call him friend.

Still the bashful child of 25 I guess, I kept quiet. Lit a clove and drank my beer intent on just listening to men.

From the talk of the goings on of the assembly, the frustrations of life, to the freedoms of hobbies in golf and corvettes...this night was turning, incredible.

Our circle widened. More joined the discussion, until the cigar box gave up its final offering. At that point, I gazed around the circle, and realized whose company I was in. Leaders of educational insitutions. Pastors of hugely successful churches across the nation. Leader upon leader, men who have done something. Many things. Oh yeah...and me.

What the heck am I doing here?

Isn't there some other place I should be right now?

Wait. Here I go. I'm going to try and say something, enter into the conversation, open my 25 year old punk mouth, say something funny...

They laughed! Ha, phew.

A king has his hearth. The fire in which he shares his life with freinds and guests, food and wine flow in the presence of greatness.

That night a young punk shared the hearth of the Colorado sky with men much greater than himself. And with the puff of a cigar, and the sip of whiskey, I just sat with my mouth shut...and listened.

Timeless

2007-06-25T11:28:00.000-04:00

"If you're lost, you can look,
and you will find me
time after time."

"If you fall, I will catch you,
I'll be waiting
time after time."

Cairn

2007-06-19T10:56:00.000-04:00

follow the road and it will lead you somewhere
but with a watchful eye I can’t but think
this is as good a place as any other

sometimes there's a calmness in a moment, a nothingness
paralyzing, it roots your feet deep into the ground

leaving you open, rendered,

not to the world,

but to the moment, a nothingness

the Ancient Celts believed in “the time between times”
an open door where the world met a better world, a more beautiful canvas
lavished in beauty, forged in truth, and spun with honor and love
moments there do not fall into nothingness,

they last, they inspire

beyond the glen, there is a cairn,
a meeting place, a crossing

there I will wait, before dawn, before dusk
hoping that upon that Hero’s mound, something will break

waiting…

for something…

The Coolest Guys in the World

2007-06-12T11:59:00.000-04:00

Some of you know my fascination with the "Ocean's" movies. Not because they're any great achievment in film, or ground breaking movie going experiences, but because they're "exercises in cool". And with that, they always deliver.

You watch these movies, and think, these guys are the the epitomy of cool! How can I be like them?

Haven't seen 13 yet, (this thursday night).

Check out this week's cover article from EW and you'll see what I mean:

Pitt and Clooney

greedy at your door

2007-06-11T12:01:00.000-04:00

Lover Part 2
lyrics by Derek Webb

i’m living in a car graveyard
my heart is up on blocks
i’m dying on a sail torn ship
i’m wrecking on your rocks
i’ve got a promise breaking foolish heart
that’s broken into three
you took it Father, Son, and Ghost
and i have been set free

i’m dressed up like it’s halloween
i’m greedy at your door
i’m naked as a crime scene
you’re murdered on my floor
though i’m cornered by the words i say
you’re telling me to speak
you teach me how to kill and be killed
and how you set me free

i am my beloveds and my beloveds mine
and i am as surprised as any man born blind
but it’s still coming in blurry
the images i see
but someday it will all come clear
and i will be set free

Rockets and Astronauts

2007-06-09T11:54:00.000-04:00

Believe it or not, there are still some things in this world that make me stand back and say, "wow!" Even though our world presents us with so many new things, so many new technologies that boggle our minds, there are still a few human feats that capture our imagination in a tremendous way. For me, still, there is absolutely nothing like seeing a rocket-fueled shuttle filled with humans, explode from the earth on a collision course with the heavens. I mean, come on! How awesome is that!

Today though it seems as if our space explorations and NASA in general have taken a back seat in the public mind. How many of us even knew that we sent another shuttle crew up the other day, its mission to rendevous with the International Space Station miles above our heads. Yes, there is a space station with men and women on it, floating out in space. Again, incredible. Unfortunately, it seems that the only attention NASA ever recieves is linked with tragedy. So what happened? What happened to the final frontier for us Americans?

Are the missions to boring? Is it time for us to head to Mars? Am I sounding like a total BattleStar Gallatica geek? (which I'm not for the record) All I know is..
.

When you see these pictures. When you watch a launch live, or even on TV, and the orange light show that erupts beneath the seats of 7 astronauts, shooting them into space, you can't help but still find your jaw on the floor in amazement wondering...How can we do this? How did we figure this out?

We all know there are some things in life that make us feel like a kid again. You all have yours whatever they may be. For me, seeing a rocket fly into space, still makes me want to eat my ice cream cone and tug on my daddy's arm.

Henry V and John 17

2007-06-03T19:45:00.000-04:00

One of my favorite, if not my favorite story in all of literature is William Shakespeare’s play, Henry V. In it, Shakespeare depicts what many have called “The Righteous King”. The role of the Good King in battle engaging the enemy for the sake of his beloved brothers, his “few”, his “happy few”. What beauty there is in strength, and yet perhaps the greatest strength is found when the truly good and righteous king falls to his needs and pleads to a greater king, a more sovereign Lord.

Today in church we heard about the priestly prayer of Jesus in John 17. This tremendously powerful time in which Jesus retreats to the garden awaiting his betrayal and arrest, and he cries out to his father, pleading on behalf of his followers. And the startling part in all of this is that Jesus does not just mention those following him in his time, but all those who would know him but not see him. He prays for us.

John 17
20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: 23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them

I do not want to say that Shakepeare’s mind was only on the model of Christ when he wrote the character of Henry v, but it was there. The Good King, who pleads on behalf of his people, to his father, being the perfect mediator, the perfect high priest.
The writer to the Hebrews in the New Testament puts it like this, “ 14Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens,[e] Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. 15For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are—yet was without sin. 16Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.”

How true, how gracious, how beautiful. King Henry’s cry in the face of the French army at Agincourt is one of beauty, and pleading…

O God of battles! steel my soldiers' hearts;
Possess them not with fear; take from them now
The sense of reckoning, if the opposed numbers
Pluck their hearts from them. Not to-day, O Lord,
O, not to-day, think not upon the fault
My father made in compassing the crown!
I Richard's body have interred anew;
And on it have bestow'd more contrite tears
Than from it issued forced drops of blood:
Five hundred poor I have in yearly pay,
Who twice a-day their wither'd hands hold up
Toward heaven, to pardon blood; and I have built
Two chantries, where the sad and solemn priests
Sing still for Richard's soul. More will I do;
Though all that I can do is nothing worth,
Since that my penitence comes after all,
Imploring pardon.

Thoughts on Mere Christianity

2007-05-30T11:46:00.000-04:00

"If you look for truth, you may find comfort in the end:if you look for comfort you will not get either comfort or truth- only soft soap and wishful thinking to begin with, and, in the end, despair. Most of us have got over the pre-war wishful thinking about international politics. It is time we did the same about religion."

C.S. Lewis lived in a time in which most of the known world was thrust into wars that changed the way one approaches the world. The word "epic" applied to WWI and WWII is just the wrong word. It was so much bigger than that.

Over these next few posts I'm going to just share my thoughts, guided by Lewis' thoughts as I read through his gift to us, Mere Christianity. If you've ever had the chance to read this book then you know why I describe it as "his gift". The wise and intellectual Lewis, for a few moments, comes down and speaks to us common folk, and describes for us Christiainity, basicly, or merely. If you haven't read it, pick it up somewhere, it'll cost ya $9.

The opening pages find us wrestling with the idea of something lirking behind the curtain of humanity. Your mind first runs to thoughts of God, and the Christian God at that, but Lewis doesn't take us there just yet. However, he beautifuly describes for us the "code". No, not some weird code of numbers that will determine when Jesus comes back, or some new way of life, but what Lewis calls, "the moral code". Every man, in every time and culture has known this code lirking behind the trees, moving somewhere inside him. And to what degree or not he, or his civilization adhere to that code, largely determines his glory, or his demise.

For Lewis, before you begin a discussion about the existence of a higher power, let alone the Christian God, we must first find out, is there truly a purpose for right v. wrong, that begins outside of ourselves? It's this great search for truth. Right truth, that has become such a lightning rod in our own day.

If we are to find truth today. If we are able to determine if there is a right and a wrong, a "moral code" not determined by individuals or cultures, then we are on our way to grasping who, or what might be determining that moral code.

Many Christians point and spit at our current postmodern culture. "How can you not believe in absolute truth?" Although, the battleground today is, "what is truth?" The post modern world allows us the chance to engage it in conversation and relationship. The younger generations of the post modern world are overwhelmingly more availible to engage your beliefs, and when that occurs, the gospel, and true thoughts about God can be spoken into lives that need it so desperately. This is not a new age. Let us not forget, on that dark night, Jesus stood before a postmodern. Pilate stonely and curiously stared Jesus in the eye, and perhaps part of him longed to know the true answer, "What is truth?"

The opening quote up top from Lewis handles this by saying, Truth will bring comfort, but the individual who only hopes for comfort and easy living, will only in the end find, despair. So many did not want the truth leading up to WWII, but when it came, there was no escaping it. Today, we find ourselves in a very similar landscape. Somewhere in all of us, we want truth, and its only in that pursuit, that a full and rewarding life can be lived.

Back

2007-05-22T12:25:00.000-04:00

I'm back.

It's been awhile for a whole myriad of reasons.

I am looking forward to getting back into the swing of things though, including this blog.
I've recently been reading through the great work by C.S. Lewis, "Mere Christianity", and I thought as I ease back into the blogging world I'd let his throughts in that book steer my thoughts here for a while.

Stay tuned.

Get it Back

2007-04-16T16:17:00.000-04:00

Getting it back. It's amazing to watch someone work at something for so long, achieve it, and then lose it.

Athletes are prime examples of this. Its hard for us to imagine just how much time and effort an athlete puts into his or her sport. From the age of 7 or younger, some have given every day to their dream. Whether its playing for the New York Yankees, standing over a 4 foot put at Augusta, or playing a cross court winner on Center Court at Wimbledon. A few, very few, find themselves actually in those positions. Zach Johnson, from Cedar Rapids, Iowa, all of a sudden found himself dueling Tiger Woods on the back nine of The Masters, and won!

But I'm particularyl fascinated by, and I'm not sure I'm proud to write this, by those athletes, and other professionals actually, who achieve their dream...then lose it.

Greg Norman, twice led the Masters late- let it slip through his fingers, and never made it back to the stage again. All-Star baseball players like Chuck Knoblauch and Steve Sax, actually at one point in their careers struggled to even throw the ball from 2nd base to 1st base. What happened?

What happened to Brad Lidge? All-Star closer for the Houston Astros, who for 3 seasons straight was as dominant a closer the majors had ever seen. And then, on one night in October, against the rival St. Louis Cardinals, Lidge gave up a game winning bomb to the great Albert Pujols, that I still believe, landed in the Gulf of Mexico. Ever since then, he's lost it. What happened? Did he become less talented? Did he lose his confidence? What does that even mean as an athlete? Don't all professional athletes have confidence? They are professionals...

And then it begins. Getting it back. None of those guys just stopped playing. They all tried, and in Lidge's case, are trying to get back. Get back whatever left them.

I heard Lidge today on the Dan Patrick Show, and to his credit, he gave a very candid interview, not shying away from anything. And the remarkable thing was- he has no clue what happened. Suddenly his 98 mph fastball, now clocks out at 92. In what seemed like an instant, his devastating splitter now looks like a Tim Wakefield fastball. Doubt crept in, teamates seem more distant, and the man who used to shut 9th inning leads, now pitches in the 5th inning, down 6 runs...

I cheer for Brad Lidge. If I was old enough, I would have cheered for the Shark.

Athletes aren't the only ones who feel this though. We all experience it to some degree. Some area in our life begins to slip. Be it our health, relationships, skills. Things change and we wonder, can I ever get it back. Doubt creeps in and self-confidence erodes. There has to be hope though. There has to be someone who tells you, you can get it back.

When we lose it- often we don't even know why-
but we don't quit -
We just try to get it back.

Easter

2007-04-08T11:02:00.000-04:00

10Then the disciples went back to their homes, 11but Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus' body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.

13They asked her, "Woman, why are you crying?"

"They have taken my Lord away," she said, "and I don't know where they have put him." 14At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.

15"Woman," he said, "why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?"
Thinking he was the gardener, she said, "Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him."

16Jesus said to her, "Mary."
She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, "Rabboni!" (which means Teacher).

17Jesus said, "Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet returned to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, 'I am returning to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.' "

18Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: "I have seen the Lord!" And she told them that he had said these things to her.

One Day Closer

2007-04-05T11:10:00.000-04:00

Lately, I've been thinking about just how fast life flies by. Today is Thursday of Holy Week, and I feel as if I just celebrated New Years.

Sometimes this thought can be pretty depressing, but the more and more I think about it, the more my pessimism seems to become a more dimly lit model of optimism. Today is one day closer than yesterday.

One day closer to my graduation from seminary. One day closer to getting married. One day closer to seeing your child take her first steps. One day closer to the culmination of everything.

It's hard for us to imagine that. So much of our daily existence overshadows any attempt at thinking beyond today, or certainly past tomorrow. The reality however, is that you and I, this world, this universe, is one day closer to the culmination of all things. One day closer to your dream. One day closer to that perfect job, that perfect man or woman. One day closer to accomplishing something great. One day closer to Jesus being King, really.

King Jesus.

I've been listening over and over recently to U2's "One Step Closer".

One step closer to knowing.

"I'm hangin out to dry with my old clothes...
finger still red with the prick of an old rose...
well the heart that hurts is the heart that beats...
can you hear the drummer slowing?"

One Step Closer to knowing.

Constant

2007-04-02T17:44:00.000-04:00

Some things in this world are permanent. No matter what happens, outside of an act of God, the sun will rise, the moon will orbit the earth, the ocean will turn its waves onto beaches around the world, and John Smoltz will pitch for the Altlanta Braves.

Yes, another Atlanta Braves season began with their beloved warrior of almost 20 years as their opening day starting pitcher.

You don't understand. For me, John Smoltz pitching for the Braves is a constant! It's a fact. A universal law of the universe. At 25 years of age, I don't know life without Smoltzy climbing the red hill, grabbin the rosen bag, and being absolutely nails.

40.

One more climb to the top of baseball's control panel. The ultimate quarterback...control freak, gamer, baller, hard ass- call it what you like. Smoltzy.

I'll never forget the 1991 World Series. Although the late Kirby Puckett and Jack Morris' gutsy performance would break my 10 year old heart, I took one thing away from those moments...John Smoltz is my favorite baseball player...ever.

I dunno, maybe it's his dorky pants that don't go all the way to his shoes. Perhaps its seeing him without his hat and that bald dome shining proud. Or maybe it's because when the team needed a closer in 2002, he went to the bullpen because they asked him to, and saved the most games by a reliever in a single season (55).

Maybe its about loyalty. Maybe its about winning over 200 games, or just being a great interview. For having personality and the guts to say something in the modern Tiger Woods/Michael Jordan era where endorsement deals determine what you say, and what you don't say.

You know what Smoltz endorses? Home Depot and the Atlanta Braves- thats it.

So on a beautiful sunny day in Philadelphia, John Smoltz climbed Carlton's hill, gave his famous glaring stare towards home plate, and fired strike one...again.

6 innings. 7 strikeouts. 1 win.

Here's to permenance. Here's to my "Dan Marino". Here's to showing up and doing your job day in and day out.

Smoltzy.

A living legend. A bald magician. A sports freak.

Raise your glasses to John Smoltz.

Florida

2007-03-30T18:39:00.000-04:00

A few weeks back I mentioned the release of Patty Griffin's new album. I just listened to one of my favorite songs of hers entitled. "Florida". Such a picturesque song, particularly the first three lines.

A couple of young girls went
Sailing down A1A
Into the arms of Florida...

Sailing down a highway
Singing their heads off
Protected by the holy ghosts
Flying in the ocean
Driving with their eyes close

The night wants to kiss you deep
And be on his way
Pretend he don't know you the very next day
Isn't it hard sometimes
Isn't it lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there's nothing to hold me

You slide down into the seat
From twelve hours on your feet
And get the tide to wash you away
For thousands and thousands of days
And someone you never meet
Signs a check you get every week
You try and you still can't forget
All the strangers that you have met

The night never owed you nothing anyway
Makes promises that he never intends to keep every day
Isn't it hard sometimes
Isn't lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there's nothing to hold me

Every time, every year
The travelers come and go
You see them landing with their pale wings
And flying back to the snow
And the summer comes marching in
With his heavy boots on
Kicking along the blacktop
Sidewalks of A1A
The young girls in their bare feet
Cigarettes smoking
Looking every which way
Wishing and hoping

And you want the night just to let you sleep
And be on his way
Wrap you up in some cool sheets
And have nothing to say

Isn't hard sometimes
Isn't it lonely?
How I still hang around here
And there's nothing to hold me

Tears of Rapture

2007-03-26T16:46:00.000-04:00

This past weekend while hanging out in Chicago, I resumed my reading of Dostoevsky's, The Brothers Karamazov. This monumental work continues to shape a lot of my thinking in many areas of life.

Piggy-backing off of last weeks post, I thought this excerpt from the Brothers K would be appropriate.

After the death of his beloved Mentor Father Zossima, Alyosha, Doestoevshy's hero falls into a dream like state...

"The elder raised Alyosha by the hand and he rose from his knees.

"We are rejoicing," the little, thin old man went on. "We are drinking the new wine, the wine of new, great gladness; do you see how many guests? Here are the bride and bridegroom, here is the wise governor of the feast, he is tasting the new wine. Why do you wonder at me?I gave an onion to a beggar, so I, too, am here. And many here have given only an onion each- only one little onion... What are all our deeds? And you, my gentle one, you, my kind boy, you too have known how to give a famished woman an onion to-day. Begin your work dear one, begin it, gentle one!... Do you see our Son, do you see Him!?"

"I am afraid... I dare not look," whispered Alyosha.

"Do you fear Him. He is terrible in His greatness, awful in his sublimity, but infintely merciful. He has made himself like unto us from love and rejoices with us. He is changing the water into wine that the gladness of the guests may not be cut short. He is expecting new guests, He is calling new ones unceasingly for ever and ever... There they are bringing new wine. Do you see they are bringing the vessels..."

Something glowed in Alyosha's heart, something filled it till it ached, tears of rapture rose from his soul...he stretched out his hands, uttered a cry and waked up.

Fried Cheesy Things and St. Patrick's Day

2007-03-19T15:25:00.000-04:00

Things in life change.

What you find humorous or painful, even what you find enjoyable and satisfying seems to change as you grow older. I’m not sure these changes are necessarily better, but I’m almost sure they are.

This past weekend served as one of those moments in which I realized that life is very much changing. Friday night, my family, and two of my closest friends, met for dinner at Tamarind, the best Thai restaurant in south Florida, and had a great time simply enjoying each other’s company. Great food, great friends, and two hours in, I wished we could have started all over again if our stomachs could manage it. You can’t help but wonder- it’s as if family and food were two things intended to be married to each other.

Actually, I think they were.

On the flip side, Saturday loomed as the great party of all parties. Somewhere along the way St. Patrick’s Day became this crazy animal of an event in America. My own hometown of Ft. Lauderdale stands on its head, literally, each year for the day of green. We braved the crowds earlier in the evening Saturday night to our chagrin, only to stand at an “Irish” pub/bar waiting 20 minutes for a beer, while countless of my tanked fellow residents bumped into us. We lasted 20 minutes, before we hopped back in the car and headed north.

There’s always a first for everything. As we headed north to Boca, I was about to experience my first true Latin family dinner. My friends who went with my family and I the night before, invited me to come along and experience their family. It was the grandmother and matriarch of the family’s birthday. Complete with food, dancing, dessert, and very attractive women (what!?) our St. Patrick’s Day took a huge turn for the better. Since we didn’t eat until almost midnight, I had time to think about what had stirred me the night before.

There’s something about family.

And we all know there’s something about food.

And when those two things come together, there’s simply nothing like it.

I come from a very small, yet tight family. I have no aunts, uncles, or cousins, since both of my parents are Only Childs, so whenever I get to see a very large family enjoying themselves, I’m like a kid in a candy store. The large family dynamic is something I hope to experience someday soon. I’d love to marry into a big big family, and I know I hear you naysayers out there…I really do!

Life changes though. When dinner with friends and family, and family parties become so much more appealing then the downtown partying scene, life has changed. Twenty minutes downtown Saturday night was twenty minutes too long for us. Give me panang curry, kim-chee tuna, homemade flan, and little fried cheesy I-don’t-know-what-they’re-called- fried things, and I’m set.

The thing about families though is that they’re two things at the same time, beautiful and broken. Most families don’t have to look too far within themselves to see tragedy and brokenness. The beautiful aspect of family is that through that brokenness, people find love, belonging, and renewed purpose. So when a family comes together, they share there pain, and they celebrate. They bring their tragedy, and they bring their laughter. And in the midst of all the chaos and turmoil this broken world brings us, for a little while, when we all gather, we see a glimpse of what things should be like. What they will one day be like again.

The scriptures tells us of a day when a very large family will gather around a very large table and have a feast. This feast though will be different than all the rest we’ve known. This feast will know no pain, and no tragedy, only the joy of grace and the abundance of peace and love.

So until that day, we enjoy our own families. We share great food and wine together, and we share our pain and suffering, and together we look forward to the day when our food and wine will know no tears, but only peace.

Maranatha!

Ecclesiastes 9:7
"Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do."

Lead On, O King

2007-03-13T20:35:00.000-04:00

I saw the box office smash "300", twice this weekend. It's amazing.
A mix of jaw-dropping cinematogrophy and awesomeness. It really is terrific if you're into swords, inspirational speeches, and cool camera tricks. King Leonidas, the King of Sparta, leads his 300 warriors against the millions of Xerxes' Persians, where the famed epic battle plays out 90% in the new blue-screen technology. I'm convinced that every human being responds to the gut wrenching call of a king. So when Leonidas lets out his verocious, "SPARTANS! PREPARE FOR GLORY!" You can't help but feel the chills go up and down your entire body.

The Spartans have a code, a law that requires nothing to be greater than the law of Sparta itself. But as each man follows the every movement of their king, you know that Spartan law isn't what drives these famed 300. The call of their King does.

Leonidas.

The Great Leonidas, whose lion roar of glory you felt could deter the Persian storm of arrows.

We follow the movement of a King. Every step brings closer glory.

Today I came across again the lyrics of an old Christian hymn.

Lead On, O King Eternal

Lead on, O King eternal,
the day of march has come;
henceforth in fields of conquest
thy tents shall be our home.
Through days of preparation
thy grace has made us strong;
and now, O King eternal,
we lift our battle song.

Lead on, O King eternal,
till sin's fierce war shall cease,
and holiness shall whisper
the sweet amen of peace.
For not with swords loud clashing,
nor roll of stirring drums;
with deeds of love and mercy
the heavenly kingdom comes.

Lead on, O King eternal,
we follow, not with fears,
for gladness breaks like morning
where'er thy face appears.
Thy cross is lifted o'er us,
we journey in its light;
the crown awaits the conquest;
lead on, O God of might.

Chicago

2007-03-12T19:03:00.000-04:00

March 23-25, I'll be traveling to Chicago by myself to just get away, be in a different city, investigate, and did I already say this? Get away.

People's reactions have been interesting though. I say, "I'm going to Chicago in a few weeks," and their reply goes something like, "Oh cool! Who are you going with?" Which is met with my answer, "just myself", followed by a funnier response, "oh" (as a puzzled look comes across their little faces)

Originally I hoped someone would go with me, but when it didn't work out, I still decided to go. I don't know anyone, i've never been there before. I'm just going. It's only 48 hours. I think I'll be ok by myself for 48 hours. In fact, I'm looking forward to it. In fact, I can't wait.

Spring Training

2007-03-04T12:20:00.000-05:00

Most of my readers know that I'm an avid sports fan. There are a few things I need to explain about that statement however. In my mind there are two distinct types of sports fans. You may be familiar with guy-who-knows-nothing-but-his-favorite-team-paints-his-chest-team-colors-fan. I am not that, and frankly, that guy annoys me entirely. The other type of sport fan is the guy who although he has his favorite teams, his overall love for every sport makes him more of a "sports nut", then a fan. I like to think I fall into the second category.

I love every sport. I mean it, anything. From football, to the international sports of tennis and soccer, I embrace it all. I'm the kind of guy that would lie in bed late at night watching the final of the Ft. Collins Table Tennis Finals. It is what it is.

Lately, my sporting plate has been dominated by European soccer. My favorite club, Liverpool F.C. is enjoying another great season beating Barcelona in the first leg of their tie in the Champions League last week.

However, March is here. And that means one thing....

Spring Training.

Although I love every sport. Although I love international sports even more. Even though my love for Miami Dolphins football is great. There's no question in my mind, the greatest sport is still, and always will be... Baseball.

It's the great sport of the world. It's the gift of America to the Americas. The smell of the grass, the optimism of every team in spring training, and the final cooling down of the hot-stove off season, this...this is baseball.

"The other sports are just sports. Baseball is a love." - Bryant Gumbel

"I'm convinced that every boy, in his heart, would rather steal second base than an automobile." - Tom Clark

"I see great things in baseball. It's our game--the American game. It will take our people out of doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger physical stoicism. Tend to relieve us from being a nervous, dyspeptic set. Repair these losses, and be a blessing to us." - Walt Whitman

"Since baseball time is measured only in outs, all you have to do is succeed utterly; keep hitting, keep the rally alive, and you have defeated time. You remain forever young." - Roger Angell

"All I want out of life, is that when I walk down the street folks will say, "There goes the greatest hitter that ever lived." - Ted Williams

"A hot dog at the ball park is better than steak at the Ritz." - Humphrey Bogart

Though football may be king now, baseball will forever be the great sport. Spring training is here, so grab a hot dog, catch a game, draft your fantasy team, and enjoy the true beginning of summer.

San Diego Serenade

2007-02-26T17:44:00.000-05:00

I never saw the morning til I stayed up all night
I never saw the sunshine til you turned out the light
I never saw my hometown until I stayed away too long
I never heard the melody, until I needed a song.

I never saw the white line, til I was leaving you behind
I never knew I needed you til I was caught up in a bind
I never spoke i love you til I cursed you in vain,
I never felt my heartstrings until I nearly went insane.

I never saw the east coast til I move to the west
I never saw the moonlight until it shone off your breast
I never saw your heart til someone tried to steal,
Tried to steal it away
I never saw your tears until they rolled down your face.

-- Tom Waits

Just a Bit of Coloured Paper?

2007-02-21T12:15:00.000-05:00

Below is a blog post I came across in class: It's certainly interesting, discussing the relationship between "relationship" and theological forms, doctrines, or ideas. Below this post is a selection from C.S. Lewis in Mere Christianity.

Enjoy.

Blog Post
Relationship, not Religion

Over the past year and a half, I've enjoyed a running email conversation with Tamara Cissna, a friend in Portland who's trying to wrap her soul around postmodern faith like Susan and I are trying to do. Early in our conversation, she said she was struggling to grasp a Christianity that "works", but she had trouble articulating exactly what she meant.

Last Friday, she sent a link to a news report about a Leonard Sweet-visit to Baylor University. Leonard is one of the revolutionary evangelical thinkers and writers regarding Christianity, the Church, and postmodernism. In the report, Sweet said...

...The Roman governor Pilate was the first postmodernist because he asked Jesus a "fundamental postmodernist" question: "What is truth?"

All of Christianity hinges on the answer, {Sweet} suggested.

"Truth is Jesus," Sweet said. "This is the uniqueness of Christianity in all of the religions of the world. Every other religion defines truth in propositional terms."

All other prophets and spiritual leaders told adherents to follow their teachings to find the way to enlightenment, Sweet said, but Jesus was the "only one who had chutzpah to announce to the whole world 'I am the way.' Truth is a relationship."

"Truth is a relationship." That's what Tamara meant by a faith that "works."

I love this, and the article it came from. I think Tamara's exactly right, and what Sweet says resonates deeply with most postmodern Christians I know. Susan and I were raised and indoctrinated into thinking that Christianity was propositional truths, systematic theology, proof-texts, and outlines with fancy alliterations.

But now I think we got kind of a cheated. We missed the grand narrative of God's story and the fact that we're living in the midst of a big love story -- it's about a love relationship, not bullet points and Bible Studies. And that's a faith I find a lot sexier than learning a bunch of stuff about God. I'd rather live an adventure with God - and to me, that's the heart of this thing we call Christianity.

Ok, this is Phil again. A couple of thoughts:
1. "it's about a love relationship, not bullet points and Bible Studies..." - It shouldn't be a choice. We should never have to make a choice for or against relationship or studying about God. In fact, studying about God affects our heart, moves our emotions and grows our relationship with God.
2. It is inescapable that God chose to reveal himself in propositional terms, i.e. the Bible. That is the only way we can learn about an infinite, eternal being, as finite and fallen creatures.
3. He uses modernistic forms of argument to justify his postmodern view of a relationship with Christ.

Alright, in our class we came acros this selection from Mere Christianity from the great C.S. Lewis. For me, it's the greatest answer to this whole, relationship vs. propositional truth. He words it perfectly:

I remember once when I had been giving a talk to the R.A.F. (Royal Air Force), an old, hard-bitten officer got up and said, "I've no use for all that stuff. But, mind you, I'm a religious man too. I know there's a God. I've felt Him: out alone in the desert at night: the tremendous mystery. And that's just why I don't believe all your neat little dogmas and formulas about Him. To anyone who's met the real thing they all seem so petty and pedantic and unreal!"
Now in a sense I quite agreed with that man. I think he had probably had a real experience of God in the desert. And when he turned from that experience to the Christian creeds, I think he really was turning from something real to something less real. In the same way, if a man has once looked at the Atlantic from the beach, and then goes and looks at a map of the Atlantic , he also will be turning from something real to something less real: turning from real waves to a bit of coloured paper. But here comes the point. The map is admittedly only coloured paper, but there are two things you have to remember about it. In the first place, it is based on what hundreds and thousands of people have found out by sailing the real Atlantic. In that way it has behind it masses of experience just as real as the one you could have from the beach; only, while yours would be a single glimpse, the map fits all those different experiences together. In the second place, if you want to go anywhere, the map is absolutely necessary. As long as you are content with walks on the beach, your own glimpses are far more fun than looking at a map. But the map is going to be more use than walks on the beach if you want to go to America.

Prayer

2007-02-16T17:19:00.000-05:00

20"My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 21that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me. 22I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one:

23I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me. 24"Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world. 25"Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me. 26I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them."

John 17

Bum's Son

2007-02-14T10:49:00.000-05:00

Through the duration of this post I will not refer to the new Head coach of the Dallas Cowboys by his proper name, but instead by "Bum's Son," due to his father's name being Bum, which is ridiculous, and well, it's just funny.

The proud and storied franchise known best by their self-dubbed title, "America's Team", has seem to go through coaches in this past decade like the Miami Dolphins go through good ideas.

Still, it seems as though this could be a good move for the boys. Bum's son's father was the inventor of the 3-4 defense, and this team is ready to win now. At least they think they are. The question remains, how long will Tony Romo remember how the playoffs literally slipped right through his fingers.

So here I raise my glass to America's team. Here's being hopeful for you. I'm a big T.O. fan, and how can you not love watching Dr. 90210 play general manager? It's a comedy, but a comedy always ends with a happy ending. This may in fact be a looming Shakespearean tragedy. And we all know, that if it follows that course, the only one falling on his sword will be Bum's Son himself.

Below is a hilarious article from thespoof.com on The Dallas Cowboys hiring situation. Check it out.

The question on everyone's lips at the Jerry Jones surprise press conference was who was to be announced as the new head coach of America's team, the NFL Dallas Cowboys. Speculation has been rampant in Dallas and all of Texas about the identify of the new coach. Las Vegas bookmakers have even been laying odds as to the identity of this mysterious person.
Wade Phillips? No. Dan Reeves? Try again. Lovie Smith? Nope. Urban Meyer? Still not right. Dennis Green? You're kidding. Charlie Weiss? Wrong.

After firing Jimmy Johnson after winning two consecutive Super Bowls, Jones stated that any one of 500 coaches could lead the group of players he has assembled to another NFL championship. He has only won one since, and has not been back since that victory. In fact, his team has not won a playoff game in over 10 years.

In typical flair and fashion, Jones stepped to the speaker and announced his choice. Said the team owner, "The new coach of the Dallas Cowboys will be Bobby Knight. He is right here in Texas, coaching only a few hundred miles away in Lubbock. He has won more games than any other coach in men's division one. He has several championships under his belt. He has led teams to undefeated seasons and through the college playoffs to win it all. He is a no nonsense kind of guy and the disciplinarian that players like Terrell Owens need."
When it was pointed out the Jones that Knight was a college basketball coach and had no football experience, he disagreed. "He is a coach and a leader of men. Knight is a winner. The Dallas Cowboys are winners. It is a great marriage."

Another reporter pointed out that Knight was famous for his tirades, such as throwing chairs across the basketball court. "We have no chairs on our sidelines, and most of our benches have multiple 350 pound linemen sitting on them. He won't be throwing any chairs in this league."

"If he could throw Larry Allen or Flozell Adams, that would be a different story!"

Oakland Raiders' owner Al Davis was upset by the announcement. "Yesterday, I hire this 31 year old kid just barely out of his pampers, expecting to get all the headlines. Today, Jerry takes it away by hiring a basketball guy. How does he come up with this crap?"

Knight will continue to coach the Texas Tech University Red Raiders basketball team through the end of the NCAA season (and possibly NCAA tournament) before beginning his duties with the Cowboys. He has encouraged his school to hire former baseball great Pete Rose as his replacement.

SAVE DARFUR

2007-02-10T23:53:00.000-05:00

Tonight at Brew Urban Cafe in Downtown Ft. Lauderdale, we'll be holding an Open Forum called "Save Darfur", featuring Simon Ole Masi (Director of World Vision Sudan). He will have fresh direct news from Sudan and the plight of the people of Darfur. There will be an opportunity to ask questions and learn how to actually do something - even right there on the spot. Learn how to support humanitarian efforts in Sudan or how to get the government more involved, etc.

Come out if you can make it.

Below is a post I wrote last summer on Darfur.

Darfur Post

Sweet Patty

2007-02-07T18:24:00.000-05:00

Today is a special day. One of my favorite artists released her new album yesterday and today I bought it. If you've never been introduced to Patty Griffin, do yourself a favor and buy whatever you can. If you're into real country, real folk, and incredible song writing, check her out. I first heard her song "rain" in a coffeeshop and was hooked and moved from then on.

Children Running Through.

Happy Patty Griffin Day.

Friday Rant (Monday Version)

2007-02-05T14:29:00.000-05:00

Congratulations to the Indianapolis Colts, Tony Dungy, and Peyton Manning. I'm a big Dungy fan. Class act, stand up guy whose been through hell and back in the last year. Enjoy it.

A little over a week ago I saw John Mayer live in concert for the first time. Incredible. Whether you still harbor ill feelings towards Mayer for his "wonderland" days, his new stuff, his new presence on stage is something to take in. Highlights of the night included his acoustic version of "Stop this Train", the intro and awesome vibe of "Slow Dancing in a Burning Room". Mayer won points throughout the night by referring to his old stuff as in the past, commenting, "sometimes you look back and wonder why you worried so much", in reference to the first song he wrote, "Why Georgia". During his encore he introduced the monkey on his back, "Your body is a Wonderand", perfectly by saying, "before this song was a punchline, I used to think it was a good tune." Well handled sir. Best part of the night however was the very first intro and song, "Vultures". Check it out on Continuum.

I feel bad for Rex Grossman today. That's all I'll say.

For all of my South Fla readers, can you ever remember a day like yesterday that wasn't a hurricane day? Too bad it was Super Bowl Sunday. A day I still believe should be made a national holiday by our federal government.

Something cool to think about. Before she became the 2nd richest woman in the world, J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter series was homeless, living with her daughter, unemployed and living on state benefits.

In case any of you care, the famed "Back in Black" softball team that I play for that now wears Maroon jerseys is off to a resounding 0-2 start. It's ok, we'll bounce back. Updates along the way, and yes I've become a weekend warrior.

I love you Cooper City.

There is a River

2007-01-31T10:22:00.000-05:00

Sometimes summaries help us understand a giant thought, or groups of thoughts in a tight, compact little sentence or turn of phrase. Sometimes they do us a disservice and fail to convey what it tries to summarize.

Psalm 46 contains a phrase such as this that perhaps many of us have heard standing on its own. It's meant to stop us where we are, set things in order, and cause us to reevaluate what is truly important over all other things.

Psalm 46:10 "Be still and know that I am God."

Songs and poems include it, but until recently I hadn't understood the context of which it falls. This is another instance of our need to read scripture as a whole within its immediate context and not rip individual verses out on their own.

There's a reason why the Psalmist concludes this psalm with that summary. To close, he writes, "be still and know that I am God", because earlier in the psalm he writes:

"There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God,
the holy place where the Most High dwells.
God is within her, she will not fall;
God will help her at break of day.
Nations are in uproar, kingdoms fall;
he lifts his voice, the earth melts.
The LORD Almighty is with us;
the God of Jacob is our fortress.
Selah"

Jerusalem was the city of peace. The great city of God whose physical attributes made it a refuge for the people of Israel. With waters running through, it became the place the Israelites longed for in Babylon. This is not just a spiritual thing, but physically, the city of God breathed life into its people, trouble for its enemies. For the Psalmist, his conclusion, "be still and know that I am God", is a response to there being a river that runs through the city of God, and that he will not let her fall.

"Be Still and know that I am God" Selah. (Breathe)

For us it's a similar, yet different experience. For those of us who believe, the city of God to come, the new heavens and the new earth, are a refuge to our soul because there is a river. There is a river that flows through the city of God, and it will not fail.

It will not fail.

"Be still and know that I am God" (breathe) Because there is a city that will not fail, so be still, breathe. He is within her, and she will not fail.

There is a river.

10 Best

2007-01-24T23:27:00.000-05:00

This post is devoted to film. It is awards season, and as an avid film lover I've decided to compile my own personal top ten list for the year in film. This list is made up of films released in the calendar year of 2006.

This is my personal list. It will include many found on other lists. It will include those nominated for academy awards. Some left off the list will receive honorable mentions purely on the strength of one particular acting performance within it. And a few twists of my own.

I'm looking for a name for this annual Phil top ten list? Any ideas?

And so we begin...

10. Children of Men - Beautifully shot. The cinematogrophy is incredible. Set in 2027 London, the human race is rendered infertile. With issues of race, the sanctity of life, and overzealous extremism, this is a haunting warning for the future.

9. Thank You For Smoking - Perhaps the funniest and wittiest film of the year. TYFS is a dark comedy about big tobacco and the M.O.D. Squad. (I'll let you find out what that means in the film) Aaron Eckhart is the king right now of dark biting comedy. Just see his performance in the film that no woman should see, In the Company of Men.

8. Letters from Iwo Jima - Eastwood impresses again. It's a brave film telling the other side of the famous story. Ken Wantanabe of "The Last Samurai" is magnificent as the Japanese commander.

7. United 93 - Many wondered if it was too soon. It wasn't for this film. Playing like a docudrama, the film about the events that took place on United flight 93 that crashed in a Pennsylvania field is the perfect "first" film about 9/11. It's worth it for everyone to see.

6. Babel - the epitome of an ensemble film. Real, scary, and haunting, this film shows us just how close we all live together.
(my pick to win Best Picture at the Oscars)

5. Half Nelson - Wow! Ryan Gosling, (The Notebook) comes out of the gates with a performance from out of nowhere. Absolutely incredible leading me to crown him, along with others more esteemed than I, the best young actor working today.

4. Borat - What can I say!? Hilarious, wrong, offensive, funny, wrong, hilarious. It's one of a kind. A film that will go down as one of the funniest of all time.

3. Casino Royale - I might catch some flack for this pick being on y list, let alone 3rd. I'm a huuuge Bond fan. The Bond genre has finally returned home. Daniel Craig portrays a darker, more human Bond in a film that is just flat better than any other Bond or Action/Spy movie made in a long, long time.

2. The Departed - DiCaprio (my favorite actor), Nicholson, Damon, Whalberg. In my opinion the best 3 actors in Hollywood now, DiCaprio, Damon, and Whalberg, light up the screen in Scorcese's return to crime drama. This is simply a fantastic flick, made by perhaps the greatest American film maker ever. Scorcese will win his first Oscar for best director, although DiCaprio will not win for best actor.

1. Pans labyrinth - This year's best film. "Pans" is the most captivating, beautiful, and moving film of the year. Described as a dark Alice in Wonderland, Mexican director Guillermo Del Toro paints his mythical story against the backdrop of 1940s Civil war Spain. This is a film that would be a great war epic, even without the magic of little Ophelia's world of the labyrinth. This film is in Spanish with English subtitles, and for the first time as I watched I saw just how incredibly beautiful the Spanish language is. Please everyone go see this film. Although not nominated for Best Picture, it is nominated for Best Foreign Film at this years Oscars.

Honorable Mentions: The Last King of Scotland, The Queen, Blood Diamond, V for Vendetta, Talladega Nights, Neil Young: Heart of Gold, For Your Consideration.

Symptoms

2007-01-15T17:27:00.000-05:00

Recently, I've noticed how things are changing for me. Not on the outside. I don't look different, or even act different, at least I don't think I do. I am thinking differently however, and not in a deep way, nothing theological or creative, just really practical. Perhaps what I'm experiencing is my first strong case of reality.

At least the symptoms are starting to show.

In college you start to think big. You dream of what life will be like on the other side of that pending graduation day. The job, adulthood, being on your own, all the things that you get to experience the goodside of in college but still have mommy and daddy's safety net underneath. You dream.

As life moves on, you graduate and start on your way with big plans, long lists of things you will do and things you won't do, and as the days and months go by, you dream. You dream of what you'll accomplish, or how many people's lives you'll influence. You think about all those who will want to be a part of what you're doing. If you haven't already found it, you'll think about how great that person you'll fall in love will be. The fireworks and passions intensely flaring on your way to a beautiful and magical wedding day. Life is good when you dream.

Slowly, the list of things you will do and won't do change. In fact, the things you think you'll do get really few and far between, and the list of things you never thought you'd do for all kinds of reasons, that list is smaller too, but for a different reason. You've done them all.

Somewhere along the way your first bout with reality starts to take place. All those dreams and goals get smaller, or break. The formula that all your friends have followed just seems to have a missing part when you try to follow it.

My dreams are changing. I used to want to have a church with thousands of people, now I wonder if I could realistically lead a congregation of 4, made up of a wife and 2 kids. I used to dream about that perfect relationship and all the lovey dovey stuff that comes with it and the wedding and the sex. Now, honestly, I really, really like being single. I think about finances now, houses, and health insurance. Life is different, but life is still beautiful.

I used to dread the thought of thinking like this. As I contract the beautiful symptoms of reality, I find myself embracing them suprisingly. The desire of leading thousands of people is changing every single day. The hope to live a very simple, God honoring life in the city, hoping to see his kingdom come grows stronger. I don't want to be famous, I want a simple life, and not a fake simple life like Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie.